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B. 


meb^=S)rama 


IN FOUR ACTS 


ite'' 

JA;;-', ^ 




WRITTEN BY 


^ V'lft 

■■ ■F-i^-^L’^S.V-'-'^ 


DAVID K. HIGGINS AND MRS. DAVID K. HIGGINS f 




-t:^M 


■m 








Entered according to Act of Congress, in tfe year 1899, by David K. PIigginb and Mbs. David 
K. Higgins, in the office of the Libralian of Congress, at Washington, D. C. 





ALL EIGHTS EESEEYED. 


This Pltxy must not be presented publicly or privately without 
permission of the authors. 



) TWO COPIES RECElVEr3. 

f HifsrY 

OTttc« of tfeO 

FEB 5- 1909 

\3^1vgi»t«r of Costyffg^if^ 


SECOND COPY« 

ACT I. 


Sceue — Exterioi' of a Farm House in an Adirondack Vil- 
age. Time, Forenoon. Period, The Present. 


Fire-crackers exploding in barrel. Dodge discovered. 

Dodge — Hooray ! 

Miss B. — Dodge! 

Dodge— Hooray for the Fourth ! 

Miss B. — Dodge Hutchins! 

Dodge — Hooray for me! 

Miss B. — You hooray aloug with that pail of water. 
(Bus. with barrel. Cracker explodes. Bus.) Ah! Burnt 
your fingers. Good enough for you, foolin’ with them fire- 
crackers. Go down cellar and work that ice cream freezer 
now, and don’t you stick your fingers in the cream to cool 
’em off, neither. 

Dodge — Huh! (Bus.) Doctor! (Exit.) 

Enter Dr. Doolittle. 

Miss B. — Why, good-morning, Dr. Doolittle. 

Dr. — Good-moriiing, Miss Bassett; the Glorious Fourth 
has dawned beautifullj'. 

Miss B. — Didn’t have time to look at the dawn this morn- 
ing. I’ve had all I could do to get the lunch ready. Goin’ 
to the picnic? 

Dr. — Yes, I thought I’d come over and go with the crowd. 

Miss B. (exit and speaks from house) — Another second 
and that blueberry pie’d a been burnt black. (Dr. sits on 
chair where Dodge spilt water.) 

Dodge (enters) — Ihdter not sit down there. Doc. 

Dr.— Why not? 

Dodge — Si>ilt water on that chair. 

Dr. (jumps up) — Why didn’t you say so? 

Dodge — Did. 

Dr. — My new duck pants! 

Dodge — Water rolls off a duck. (Bus.) Minister! 

Enter Mr. and Mrs. Emmons. 

Mr. E. — Morning, Miss Bassett! This is wliat I call a 
day for a Fourth of July i)icuic. 

Mrs. E. — Yes, if it don’t come up a thunder shower an’ 
(lr(‘nch us afore we get home. It’s gettiu’ awful hot. 

Miss B. — Come right up on the porch. Mis’ Emmons; 
it’s nice an’ cool here. 

Mr. E. — C-ool enough for me right out here. There’s a 
fine breeze blowing. 

io V (o \ ^ ^5 <5 . 




2 


Mrs. E. — I don't know, settiif in drafts is liable to bring 
on neural igy. 

^liss Ik -Didn't yonr niee(‘ eonu^ last night? 

Mrs. E. - Oh, y(^s; slu^ come nj) fi*oin the (‘itv on the even- 
ing train. 

Miss Ik — Ain't she coinin' to the picnic? 

Mrs. E. - She come ovm^ witli ns, but she^s got a dog — 
(Ibis. Mr. Emmons rehearsing oration.) 

Miss Ik — .V dog? 

Mrs. E. — It ran away after some chickens just as we 
got out of the buggy, and Amy ran after it. 

Dr. — ( Tood-morning, Mrs. Emmons. (lood-morning. 
Mister — 

Mrs. Ik- -Don't interrupt him, doctor. He’s goin’ over his 
oration. 

Dr. — Well, how are yon? 

]\[rs. E. — Well as I can expect, I 'spose. I aiiEt got rid 
of that pain round my heart yit. 

Dr. — What did you have for breakfast? 

Mrs. E. — Coffee, ham, an' fried eggs, johnny cakes, an' 
a few buckwheats aid fried cakes. 

Dr.— Fine spread for a dyspeptii*. 

Mrs. E. — Now, doctor, it ain’t my stomach, it's my heart. 

Dr. — It's your stomach, and it will be your stomach till 
you stop eating fried ham and fried cakes. 

Mrs. E. — Why, doctor, Enos wouldn’t think it was break- 
fast without fried cakes. 

d)r.— Well, let Enos eat them. 

- Mrs. E. — If Enos eats fried cakes, I shall eat fried 
cakes; if Enos eat fried ham, I shall eat fried ham; his 
breakfast is my breakfast. 

Bus. Enter Amy. Exchange of greetings between Doc- 
tor and Mr. E. 

Amy — Come along Trnm])(d, you naughty boy. You’re 
always running awa^^ from me. Bad Trumpet. 

Mr. E. — You remember ^liss Bassett, Amy — this is my 
niec(\ (Bus.) 

Amy. — llow do you do. Miss Bassett. 

Miss Ik - Pretty well, thank you — I haven’t seen yon 
since you was a litth^ girl — ain't much bigger’n a pint cii]) 
now. 

Mrs. E. — She's stout an' Inwall hy, an' that's more’n many 
of us can say. 

Mr. E. — Dr. Doolitth*, my ni(‘('e — Miss Robinson. 

])r. I’m dcdighted to me(d yon. Miss Bobinsoii. 

Ani}^ — The j)leasnr(^ is mntnal. 

IP*. — This is not yonr first visit to Stony Oeek? 


3 


Amy — Oh, no. Isn't he lovely? Look out, he'll bite; 
he hates men. Naughty Trumpet! 

Dr. — Why do you call him Trumpet? 

Amy — Because Avheii he's mad he trumpets like an ele- 
phant. 

Mr. E. — Grunts like a pig! 

Amy — N oav, Uncle Enos, he isn't a pig, he's a pug, and 
the dearest old pugsie. There, he's lost his new collar. 
(Exit quick.) 

Miss B. — Well, doctor, why don't 3011 go help her look 
for it? 

Dr. — Well, I don’t know but I will. (Exit quick.) 

Miss B. — Just got in town this morning and she's got the 
doctor hooked alread\\ 

Mr. E.— AAJiere's Darius? 

Miss B. — Gone down to the store in his new wagon. 

Mrs. E. — Didn't know Darius had a new wagon. 

Miss B. — Didn't ye hear about his new invention? 

Mr. E. — The one he Avas tellin' lue of? 

Miss B. — Yes — I guess — calls it his ll\in' machine. 

Mrs. E. — La, me!- -a real flyin’ machine? 

Miss B. — Not one with wings, tho' this one does 'pear to 
go like the Avind. 

Mr. E. — It's one of these horseless kerridges, Marthy, 
Darius has rigged up. 

Mrs. E. — Oh! One o' them auto-mobils. 

Enter Dodge. 

Dodge— Cream's froze. HooraA ! Here comes Darius 
AA ith the flags and fireAVorks. 

Enter Darius and BoA' on machine. 

Darius — AVhoa! Whoa! Mornin' everybod3\ 

Enos and others — Mornin' Darius! How's the flyin' ma- 
chine? 

Darius — The sAviftest pony that ever trotted doAvn the 
hill. 

Enos — Will he trot up the hill? 

Darius — You bet. 

Enos — What time can you make? 

Darius — H oav fast did we go, Bo^^? 

B(w — Like the old Harry! 

Enos — You'd ought to realize^ big profits on that in- 
vention. 

Darius — Yes, if somebody else ain't in ahead of me on 
the patent. 

Aliss IL — AYell, he's spent enough money building it. 

Darius — Well, I'll liaA^e lots of fun with it anyhoAV. (Bus.) 
Here, Dodge, catch 'em. Fire-crackers, giant crackers, pin- 


4 


wheels, liower-pots, uigger-ehasers, l\oming-eaudles, sky- 
rockets; put all in that box, and here, look out for this, 
it’s a bomb shell. Don’t drop it; might go off an^ blow you 
to kingdom come. (Dodge stumbles on porch.) There! 
keep your seats, ladies, the danger’s past. More tire-crack- 
ers, torpedoes for the ladies. (Scream from Mrs. Km- 
nions. Mv. E. leads Mrs. E. into house.) Here’s a flag for 
every girl, and a tin horn for every boy in town. Now, if 
the American Eagle don’t scream in Stony Creek to-day it 
won’t be the fault of D. Green & Co. 

Miss B. — Darius Green, be you goin’ crazy? 

Darius — No, ma’am, I’ve arrived! 

Miss D. — A x)retty penny you’ve squandered on them 
gimcracks. 

Darius-— h^ourth of July only comes once a year. 

Miss B.-r-Come clear from New York by express, too. 
What did it all cost? 

Darius — Money. 

Miss B. — Oh, yes, I know, I needn’t to ask. It’s none o’ 
my business. It’s your inoney you’re spending. 

Darius — Dodge, you go down to my work-shop an’ get 
that flag-pole. Don’t you stop to fool with my tools or 
any of my fixin’s, you’re liable to run against a can o’ dyna- 
mite an’ blow the whole top of your tow head ofl*. (Bus. 
of Boy with toy pistol.) 

Dodge — Won’t fool with ndthin’. — (Exit.) 

Darius — What you doin’ there. Boy? 

Boy — Shootin’ Spaniards. 

Darius— Boy, you run u}) stairs an’ see if your sister’s 
got that flag ready. (Exit Itoy.) 

Miss B. — Well, she ought to have it ready, she’s been at 
it all the morning. ’S])ose she’s spent most o’ the time 
primpin’ and frilling, while I’ve been slavin’ alone in the 
kitchen. 

Darius — Well, Evelyn ain’t been brought up to hard 
work, she’s a young lady — she’s — 

Miss B. — She’s what? She’s Avhat? Go ahead and say 
it. She’s fer the parlor an’ I’m fer tlie kitchen — huh! — 
(Exit.) 

Darius — Go it ole fire-cracker, Foiii th of July only comes 
once’t a summer. 

Lem Yarrington and Alan AVoodford (mt(u*, opposite sides, 
remain up stage. 

Lem — Mornin’ Alan, been takin’ a walk ’(‘ross the ])as- 
ture? 

W oodf or d — Y es. 

Lem — Didn’t I tell you right? 

Woodford — Perhaps. 


5 


Lem — You know it. There’s marble there — tons of 
marble. 

Woodford — That remains to be seen. 

Lem — Well, there’s enough to speculate on. 

Woodford — I wonder Darius never discovered it. 

Lem — Oh! his head’s in the clouds, dreamin’ over his 
invention. 

Woodford — Do you think he’d sell? 

Lem — For money enough. 

Woodford — I mean sell cheap. 

Lem — Try him. (Bus. Come down.) Howdy do, Da- 
rius Green? 

Darius — Howdy, Lem Yarrington? 

Lem — How’s tricks? 

Darius — Takin’ ’em right along. 

Woodford — Good-mornin, Darius. 

Darius — Fine mornin’, Mr. Woodford. 

Lem— What you got here Dari? Baby carriage? 

Darius — Yep. Want to ride? 

Lem — Ain’t you cunning? 

Darius — Keep myself laughin’ all the time. 

Woodford— An automobile! Well, well! Built it your- 
self? 

Darius — Yep. 

Woodford — Will it go? 

Darius— Up hill and down dale. Beat any old mule in 
town. 

Lem — How does it work, Dari? 

Darius — ’Lectricity. How do you ’spose? 

I,em— Didn’t know but you might run it with gas. 
What you goin’ to do with it? 

Darius— Goin’ to play with it, an’ if I get my patents out, 
put it on the market. Want to go in on it, Mr. Woodford? 

Woodford— I don’t know. I’m afraid there are too many 
automobiles on the market now. 

Darius— Yes, but there’s a trick in this machine. 

Woodford— Ah! what is it? 

Darius— That’s tellin’, says the clam, and then he shut 
up. (To Yarrington.) Look out there! foolin’ with that 
battery — you'll git ’lectrocuted afore your time. 

Woodford— It's a little out of my line. I shouldn’t be 
surprised if you had a good thing, tho’. Of course, you’ll 
need money to swing it? 

X)arius— That’s Avhat I’m lookin’ for, the coin. 

Woodford — I should think you might turn some of your 
land into coin. 

Darius— What, sell my farm? 

Woodford — Y"es, you don’t work it for what it’s worth. 


(> 


Darius — But this was luy father’s land. 

Woodford — Your father was a thrifty man, he made it 
pay. 

Darius — And my grandfather’s land. It’s always been 
in our family. I couldn’t part witli it no way. How much 
will you give for it? 

Woodford (laughs) — Well, I’ll take the 20 acres of wood- 
land and pasture, — I don't want the house nor the mea- 
dow — for $400. 

Darius —N"' you won’ 

^Voodford— $450. 

Darius — Can’t see yot 

Woodford— $475. 

Darius — Blind as a bat. 

Woodford — $500. 

Darius — Come round on the other side, I can’t hear out 
o’ this ear. 

Lem — That’s niore’n it’s worth. 

Darius — I ain’t doing business with your boss’s liired 
man. 

Woodford — No nonsense, now, $000, and that’s the limit. 

Darius — That’s a big offer, Alan. 

Woodford — Liberal offer, Darius. 

Darius (closes knife) — Well, Alan — I won’t take it. You 
can’t buy my land for any price. 

Woodford — Why not? 

Darius — Ain’t you got enough now? You own the saw- 
mill, the tannery, and witli your mortgaging, an’ money 
lendin’, an’ reachin’ out an’ gatherin’ in you’ve come to 
own the best paid of the land in Stony Creek. You want 
the whole toAvn. You want the earth. (Dodge brings on 
Hag pole.) No, sir; you know my politics; I’m agin’ mon- 
opolies an’ down on monopoliars. Anyhow, it’s the 
Fourth, and I never do business on holidays. 

Woodford — Very well, I’ll call again. 

Darius — ^^Come in any time. 

Lem (disgusted) — W al, the fools ain’t all dead. 

Darius — No, Lem, you still hang on. 

Woodford — Yarrington, I Avish ^mu’d put the roan colt 
into the phaeton and driA^e her up here for me. I believe 
I’ll go to the picnic. (Exit Lem.) 

Enter Miss B. 

Mr. Woodford — Good-morning, Miss Bassett. 

Miss B. — ^Why, Mi*. Woodford, heoAV do you do? 

Woodford — Is Miss Blair in? 

Miss B. — She’ll be doAvn right away. Won’t you step 
into the parlor? (Exeunt Woodford and Bedalia.) 


7 


. Enter Dodge, crossing stage. 

Darius — What’s he Avaiit o’ Miss Blair? ; . 

Dodge — Mashed on her. (Exit house.) 

Darius (Bus., i)icks up dog Collar) — ^Hullo! What in 
nation — feminine gender, singular number — (Bus., tries 
on AAudst) — too big fer that. (Bus.) Oli! 

Enter Amy, sees Darius Avith dog collar, conies doAAm 
quickly, eagerly, glad to find it. 

Amy — Oh! there it is. Trumpet. I beg pardon, sir, but 
that’s mine. ^ 

Darius — All right, tain’t mine. ((Ua es it to her.) 

Amy — Thanks, aAA fully ! I AAms so afraid it AA^as lost. 

Darius — Just picked it up — ^there — - 

Amy — Thank you so much. 

Darius — Don’t mention it. 

Amy — I think a good deal of this. 

Darius — Shouldn’t Av^onder. 

Amy — You see, there’s only one like it. 

Darius — Only one — aa hat became of the other? 

Amy — There iieA^er AA*as any other — only just this one. 

Darius — Only one — that’s tough — -lost the other in some 
railroad smash-up likely. 

Amy — There isn’t any other, I tell you; this one Avas 
made to order and there isn’t a single duplicate anyAvhere. 

Darius (aside) — Poor girl, AA^onder A\diich one is cork. 

Amy — When you only luiA^e one, and that such a pet, 
you like to liaA e everything as pretty as possible. 

Darius — ’Course, if you’ve only got one it’s bound to be a 
good deal of a treasure. I’m luckier than you. Miss, I’ve 
got tAVO. 

Amy — T av^o? What kind? Big ones? 

Darius — Well, they ain’t no great shakes. 

Amy — I have a friend Avho has eleven. 

Darius — She must be a spider — 

. A 1113^ — Spider? 

Darius — Beg 3^er pardon. Miss, but Avas jon alludin’ 
to — 

Ani}— Trumpet, my pug. (Bus.) 

Darius— Oh! your dog. y 

Ani}^ — Yes, isn’t he a darling? Noav, Trumpet, let me 
put on your collar. 

Darius — Oh! It’s his collar. 

Amy — Of course; you didn’t suppose it Avas mine, did 

A^OU? 

Darius — Wal, it’s so blamed pretty, didn’t knoAV but it 
might be your^ — bracelet. ^ 

Am^^ (suddenly) — Say, don’t I knoAV you? 


8 


Darius — Don't know; most everybody does. 

Amj^ — You’re Darius Green. 

Darius — The money’s your’n. 

Amy — Don’t you remember me? Mr. Emmons’ niece — 
Amy Eobinson? 

Darius — Amy — Kob — little Amy — Jhib — in — son — 
’course (Bus.) Might a known it. (Bus.) My! how you 
have changed. Last time you was at Stony Creek you was 
a little girl in short dresses — an’ you certainly was as 
handsome as a wax doll. Well, well, Iioav you have changed. 
(Bus.) I mean growed; growed, improved. Bemember 
hotv I used to beau you around? I was about seventeen 
then; lank}^ tow-headed, freckled — just two freckles, one 
on each side of my face. My, but I was homely; I haven’t 
changed much, have I? 

Amy — Oh, my, yes, a good deal. 

Darius — Yes, I lost my freckles. 

Amy (laughs) — Say, you make a hit with me. 

Darius — You knock me out. 

Enter Doctor. 

Amy — I’ve found it, doctor. 

Dr. (coming down)— Oh, did you? 

Darius — Mornin’ doc. 

Dr. — Good-morning, Darius. 

Amy — Now, where’s Evelyn? I’m crazy to see her. 

Darius — Evelyn? Do joii know her? 

Amy — Do I know Evelyn Blair — well, I guess I do- 
we’re old schoolmates. 

Darius — Want to knoAv; there she is now, talkin’ to Mr. 
Woodford ; she’s cornin’ out. 

Enter Evelyn with flag. 

Evelyn — Here’s the flag, Darius. (Bus.) 

Darius — It’s a beauty; you kin make the prettiest 
things. Oh! I want to introduce you to an old friend. 

Boy enters — remains on porch. 

m 

Evelyn — Amy ! 

Amy (Bus.) — Evelyn! Hold my dog. (Puts dog in doc- 
tor’s hands. Embraces Evelyn.) 

Evelyn — Oh! Amy, Amy! (Bus.) 

Darius — Funny how girls will hug and kiss each other 
just as if there wasn’t a man on the place! (Go up.) 

Amy — Now, I want to know why you never wrote me one 
single line. 

Evelyn — Why, I did write to you, twice — long letters. 

Amy — I never got them, 

Evelyn — Never mind, since I’ve found you again. It 


9 


was only yesterday, when Mrs. Emmons was talking about 
her niece, that I found out that her Amy and my Amy were 
the same person. (Kapturous embrace.) 

Darius — There, they’re at it agin. 

Amy — Now tell me everything. How did you ever hap- 
pen to come here? 

Evelyn — After falher failed he lost his health, and we 
came here hoping the mountain air Avould help him, but 
it Avas too late; he died a year ago last Aviuter. 

Amy — Poor Evelyn. 

EA^elyn— Oh, Amy, it Avas so hard! Mother gone, and 
then to lose him too. 

Amy — And you’Ae been here ever since? (Roy comes 
up.) 

Evelyn — We had nowhere else to go. Roy, this is Amy. 
(Bus.) (Roy takes off dog.) 

Amy — He’s a dear little fellow. 

Evelyn — Isn’t he? 

Amy-^Are they good to you here? 

Evelyn — Darius is more than good. Roy simply idol- 
izes him. 

Amy — Darius is' a relative of yours, isn’t he? 

Evelyn — We haven’t the least claim upon him, and I 
know Miss Bassett would like to have us go, but Darius 
won’t hear of it — says it’s our home now — and he’s so fond 
of Roy. 

Amy — How about Roy’s sister? 

Evelyn — Oh, always looking for a love affair. Oh, Amy, 
to think you’re going to be here for months! How did 
your mother ever come to go to Europe without j^ou? 

Amy — Mamma wanted to take me, but papa wouldn’t 
have it. He said if I went she wouldn’t have time for any- 
thing or anybody but me. 

Evelyn — Amy, I’m afraid you are — 

Amy — I’m not a flirt, but papa says I am, and mamma 
fairly sleeps with one eye open for fear some horrid man’ll 
steal me. So she just bundled me off to Uncle Enos, and 
here I stay till she gets back to New York. 

Evelyn — And in the meantime you’ll do your best to 
surprise her by losing your heart up here — in the hay 
fields. 

Amy (goes up suddenly) — Oh! I forgot my dog! 
Where’s my dog? 

Enter Bedalia quick to Evelyn. 

Miss B. — Evelyn Blair, you’d ought to be ashamed of 
yourself — ashamed of yourself — you’ve treated him like a 
tramp. 


10 


Evelyn — Treated who? 

Miss B. — Why, Mr. AVoodford. Left him staudiu’ there 
alone in the hall. 

Eveh 11 — AA'ell, nobody will run away with him I guess. 

Miss B. — AVell, he might run away. 

Evelyn — He has my permission. 

Miss B. — He’s gone into the parlor. Like as not he’s 
come to invite you to ride over to the picnic in his buggy, 

Evelyn — He didn’t invite me. 

Miss B. — You didn’t give him time. 

Evelyn— I shouldn’t ride with him anyway. 

Miss B. — Why wouldn’t you? 

Evelyn — I’m going to ride in the carryall with the 
crowd. 

Miss B. — You’d ought to feel flattered to have him notice 
you at all. Alan Woodford’s the richest man in the 
county. 

Evelyn — I’m not interested in Mr. AVoodford’s money. 

Miss B. — An’ the handsomest man too. 

Evelyn — AA^ell, Aunt Bedalia, if you’re so fond of Mr. 
Woodford, why don’t you go entertain him yourself? 

Miss B.— Humph! (Bus. Exit house.) (Darius conies 
down.) 

Darius — What’s up? Sarah cuttin’ some new curves? 

Evelyn — She didn’t like it because I left Mr. Woodford 
standing alone in the hall. 

Darius — Poor little felfer! Pity ’bout him. AVho’s 
Alan AA^oodford, I’d like to know? 

Evelyn — Aunt Sarah says he’s the richest and hand- 
somest man in town. 

Darius— AA'ell, he may be the richest, but handsomest — 
Where’s Darius Green? 

Evelyn (laughs) — That’s what I think. But that neck- 
tie isn’t becoming. (Bus., takes out tie.) 

Darius — Oh! A new one! For me? 

Evelyn — For you? Did 3011 think I had forgotten your 
birthday? 

Darius — That’s a wonder; tie it on for me, will you? 
(Bus.) Say, Evelyn, don’t you ever let Sarah Avorry you 
into marryin’ anj^body you don’t like. 

Evelyn — I shall never marry any man I don’t love. 

Darius — Neither’ll I, an’ if I ever do think o’ gettin’ 
married. I’ll come an’ tell 3^011 the first one. 

Evel3n — Before 3^)11 tell the girl you love? 

Darius — Dunno ’bout that. (Laughs.) Say, you an’ 
B03" are happy here, ain’t ye? 

Evel3m — A^ ery happy. 

Darius — AA^ell, you just go on bein’ happy, an’ don’t you 


11 


ever think marryin' or goin’ away, unless you want 
to. (Bus.) AVliO'S the handsomest man in Stony Creek 
now? 

Boy — You are. 

Enter Dodge on porch. 

Dodge — Yo, I be. 

Darius — You’re a heart-breaker! 

Dr. (refers to automobile) — So the Hying machine flies? 

Darius — Swiftest thing goin’. 

Amy — Mr. Darius Green, you’re a great genius. 

Boy — What’s a genius? * 

Evelyn — A genius is a man who can do — everything. 

Enter Sarah on porch. 

Miss B. — Everything but work. 

Evelyn — I’m sure Darius works hard. 

Miss B — Doin’ nothing. 

Dodge — Love that kind o’ work. 

Evelyn — Darius is going to invent Avonderful things 
some day. 

Darius — Hope to. Hope to build a flyin’ machine some 
day that’ll sail thro’ the blue ethereal like a bird. 

Dr. — Do you seriousl}' believe that we’ll ever fly? 

Miss B. — Not till AveYe angels. 

Darius — Some of us aa on’t never fly. Yes, sir, I believe 
the day is coinin’ aa lien aejual navigation Avill be easy as 
railroadin’. 

Miss B. — You’ll go crazy yet, Darius. His father, like to 
Avent luny over periietual motion. 

Darius — Say, you remember the poem ’bout Darius 
Green an’ his flyin’ machine — there Avas one o’ them elocu- 
tionist fellers ’long here onc’t recited it up at the school- 
house, an’ ever since then the boys always called me ^^Fly- 
in’ Machine.” You remember the poem tells Iioav a country 
boy named Darius Green, tried to build a flyin’ machine — 
course you’ve read it hundred times. Do you kiiOAV there 
Avas alAvays something attractive to me about the char- 
acter of Dailiis — not because he Avas a namesake of mine, 
an’ a kind of a darn fool, but because he Avas a feller Avith 
a lofty ambition and the nerve to try. and live up to it. 
You remember Iioav he reasons on the subject o’ flyin’ — 
Lenime see, it goes: 

^^The birds can fly an’ Avhy can’t I? 

Must we give in that the blue 
bird and the phoebe, are 
smarter’!! Ave be? 

Jest fold our hands an’ see 


12 


the swaller an’ the black bird 
an’ the cat bird, beat ns holler? 

You prove ’t the bat’s got more 
brains than’s in my 
hat, an’ I’ll back down an’ 
not till then.” 

Evelyn Jins, with Koy’s eyes. 

That’s what the original Darius Green said, an’ then he 
went out an’ made himself a pair o’ wings. 

Miss^B. — An’ spread ’em out to fly an’ fell down an’ got 
a good bump. 

Darius — Oh! lie was a jay; now my idea’s scientific. 

Amy — Success to ^mu, Darius. 

Miss B. — Well! Look out how you light. 

Darius — I’ll find a soft spot. 

Evelyn (to lioy) — Is it out now, dear? 

Boy — I guess so. 

Evelyn — Doctor, Boy has been troubled again with his 
eyes, won’t you look at them? Come here. Boy. (Boy goes 
to Evelyn and Doc. Bus. Doctor examines Boy’s eyes.) 

Miss B. — Oh, fiddlesticks! Doctor, they ain’t nothin’ the 
matter with his eyes. He’ll get over seein’ spots in front of 
’em. Bilious, likely. 

Dr. (to Evelyn) — I’ll bring you a solution to drop into his 
eyes night and morning. 

Evelyn (aside to doctor) — You don’t think there’s any 
danger? 

Dr.' — Don’t worry. I’ll bring over my instruments to- 
morrow and make a thorough examination. (Evelyn goes 
to Amy with Boy. Doctor goes to Darius. Doctor aside to 
Darius.) He may go blind any day. 

Darius — Yer foolin’? 

Dr. — I’m in earnest. 

Darius — No, Doc, no, he sees all right now — mebbe yer 
wrong. 

Dr. — I hope so. 

Darius — Lord, yes — that boy goes blind break his sister’s 
heart. (Doctor goes to Amy. Evelyn comes to Darius.) 

Evelyn (to Darius) — What did the doctor tell you. 

Darius — No ’mediate danger. 

Evelyn — Oh! Darius, if he should go blind. 

Darius — Now, noAv, don’t borrow trouble, jest go in and 
have a jolly time. (Laughter of children outside.) 

Darius — Here they ( oiiie, in gorgeous array — future citi- 
zens of our glorius republic. (Children troop in dressed up 
for picnic.) 


13 


f]iiter AVoodford, Aliss B., Airs, and Air. Emmons on porch. 

Darius — Line up noAv, line up. Before you git into that 
hay-wagon 1 want to talk to you a minuti^ Over in the 
grove the preachers will delivei* a stirriid oration fer the 
big folks. 1 want to s])eak a piece here fer the boys an’ 
girls. 

Boys and girls — Hooray! Hooray! Omnes! Speech! 
Speech ! 

Dodge — Spoocdi ! 

Darius — Shut up! Who’s doin’ this talkin’? 

Air. E. — Take the stump, Darius. 

Darius — never took a stump in my life, but — 1 don’t 
mind the stump takiiT me. (Bus. (lets up on stump.) 

Darius — AVhat day is to-day? 

Dodge and children — Fourth of July. 

Dodge^ — Hooray ! 

Darius — The anniversary of the birth of our great re- 
public. 

Dodge and children — Hooray! 

Darius— Also the birthday anniversary of Darius (Ireen. 

Dodge (faintly)- — ^Hooray! 

Darius — Thanks! So 1 stand treat. 

Dodge and children — Hooray! 

Darius (holds up flag) — What have I here? 

Dodge — The American flag. 

Darius — Go to the head. (Bus. Dodge goes to head of 
line.) 

Darius — This Hag floats from the hoiiH^s of millions to- 
day, from churches, school-housc^s, shops, factories, north, 
south, (»ast, west, every win re, and we all love it. This 
particular beautiful emblem of our liberties and rights 
was made for the occasion by Aliss Blair. Now we want 
a standard Ixairer. Will the homeliest girl ])lease step 
forward. Don’t be shy, girls. No? Then will the hand- 
somest boy? (Ih)ys mak(^ a rush.) The modesty of the 
ladies is only sur])assed by the frank ingcmuousness of the 
boys. We’ll s])lit the difference and give it into the hands 
of the homeliest boy in town. 

Dodg(^ (loud) — Hooray! 

Darius (gives Dodge flag) — Dodge, the glory is your’n. 

Dodge (faintly) — Hooray! 

Darius (Bus.) — And here’s a flag fer every girl, and a tin 
horn f( r e^cuw boy — ])ass ’em around. (Bus. giving flags 
and torus. Bus. reads ])rogram.) 

^Hirand ])arade, headed by drum corps. Exercises in the 
grove, ])atriotic singin’, De(daration of Independence, ora- 
tion by Bev. Dr. Emmons, and other music. Fun for all. 


14 


Potato race, egg race, tliree-legged race, sack race, wheel- 
barrow race, climbin’ the gn^ased pole an’ catchin’ the 
greased ])ig. (Boys blow horns.) Ihirticnlarly speakin’, 
an’ this is my treat to the boys and girls, a lunch; siinthin’ 
good to eat and drink an’ lots of it; pies, mince, apx)l(% 
pumpkin, llueberry, blac'kberry, gooseberry, doughnuts, 
cU(H\M^, biscuit, baked Ix^ans, pickles, chicken pie, pound 
cake, fruit (ak(^, si)onge ( ake, seed cakes, ginger cookies, 
jelly tarts, peacli preserves, tomato ketchup, lemonade, an’ 
ice cream. (Ih)ys blow horns.) Ilorac'e Hall’s waitin’ at 
the meadow gate with hay wagon. Let’s start the ball, 
and don't forgx^t therc^’ll be fire-works from this lawn in 
the evenin’. (Dodge and (diildren exit, blowing horns, etc.) 

Mr. E. — Jlow much did this celebration cost you, Darius? 

Miss H. — Not a emit less’n seventy-five dollars. 

Omnes — Sc^venty-ti ve dollars! (Bus. Noise of horns 
blowing off stage.) 

Darius — Well, it’s worth it. Hear ’em toot — Fourth of 
July only conies om e’t a year. (Exit Darius and Boy. All 
exit into house exc(‘pt Woodford and Evelyn, who talk 
aiiart, and JMr. and Mrs. Emmons, Avho are on porch ])re- 
paring to go.) 

Mr. E. — Let’s adjourn to the parlor. Miss Kobinson has 
consented to sing. 

Mrs. E. — 1 hope she won’t sing one o’ them Eremdi 
(ipery songs, they lu^ver sound decent to me. (Exeunt Mr. 
and Mrs. Emmons.) 

Woodford — Tell me something I can do for you. 

Evelyn — There’s only one thing in the world T want. 

Woodford- What is that? Tell me? 

Evelyn — A chance to earn my own living — you smile — 
but I’m going to do- it. I can teach — 

Woodford — Ibiinling and embroidery! I’m afraid tlu^ 
field here is limited. 

Evelyn — Oh no, no. I want to teach in the little yellow 
school-house ov(U‘ there. 

Woodford — Hard, thankless work, you’ll find, and small 
pjiy. (Organ music begins in house.) 

Evelyn— Blit I’d be very economical, and as soon as I’d 
saved a little money I’d go away to some larger place 
where I could earn mor(\ 

Woodford ((>ageily) — You want to go away from here? 

Evelyn — Oh, no! But I must take care of Boy. I can 
never do that unl(‘ss f work, and I must begin. 

Woodford — Perha])S I (an help you. I’m not on the 
School Board, but I hav(‘ some influence. 

Evelyn— And you will use it for me? Really? Oh, I 
can’t tell you how I thank you. 


15 


AVoodford — I'm afraid A^our talents Avill be thrown 
aAvay. I know Stony Creek and Stony Creek people. I’ve 
spent most of my existence liere, bnt I’A^e had a glimpse 
of the City. I'll soon luiAe the money I Avant and then 
I’ll go there; I've grubbed in this Avilderness long enough. 
Just look forward to Avhat life in this place offers, and then 
contrast it Avith years tillcMl Avith all the i)leasnres that 
money Avill Iaua^ — think! 

EA^elyn — Oh! there! there! Are you trying to make me 
long for the unattainable, that I may iieAnu* be satisfied 
again? For me there is no ])lace on earth so beautiful as 
Stony Creek to-day — nothing so delightful as a Fourth of 
July picnic. You are going Avith us, of course? 

Woodford — I came over this morning Avith no other 
])urpose than to ask you to drive Avith me in my phaeton. 

Evelyn — Oh! I’m so sorry — it seems so ungracious— 
but I promised to ride Avith Darius. 

A\hn)dford (( oldly) — Oh! Don’t let me interfere with any 
previous arrangement. I hope to have the pleasure of see- 
ing you during the day. (Bus. He gA^es up stage. She 
goes into horse. Amy I egins to sing in house. Yarringtoii 
enters C.) 

Woodford — Yarringtoii, you may have the jihaeton if 
you want it, I believe I’ll ride with the crowd. 

Lem — Say, Alan. ^ 

AA^oodford — What? 

Lem — Alarriage is a dangerous thing. 

Woodford — II oaa ? 

Lem — Ticklish job to keep a secret from yer Avife. 

Woodford — I haA^en’t got a Avife 3^et. (Exit house'. Lem 
goes up C.) 

Enter Leila Belle. 

Lem — Alornin’, Miss Bird, mornin’. La, me! Don’t see 
nobody, do you? 

Leila Belle— Nobody much. 

Lem — Coin’ to the picni(*, I Avonder — 

Leila Belle— Likely. 

Lem — Don’t Avaiit to ride, I ’spose? 

Leila Belle— Not Avith you, sir. 

Lem— AATio Avith, I’d like to know. 

Leila Ihdle — Alebbe you’ll snoop around and find out. 
(Song in house.) AYho’s that? (Bus. Goes to AvindoAV.) 

Lem — Alinister’s niece from Brooklyn^ 

Leila Belle — S’pose she calls that singing? 

Lem — She ain’t got no sich voice as yours. 

Leila Belle — AAYll, I should hope not. She’s humbly 
enough — she and Evelyn Blair’d make a good team. 


16 


Lem — Well, 1 should say — (laughs) — and what that 
blind idiot, Darius ( ireeii, eould ever see in Evelyn Dlair to 
give you the go-by for — 

Leila Belle — He didn't give me the go-by — I'll have you 
to know iiobod3^ ever lied me to give me the go-by fer aii}^- 
body. 

Lem — 'Course not. Darius didn’t use to 'seort ye round 
to all the balls and festivals aid see ye home from meetin' 
reglar, and drive ye out on KSundav afternoons. Oh no. 

Leila Belle — Lem Yarrington, 1 despise you. 

Lem — An’ yer stuck on him — ye turn up yer nose at me 
fer him, but ’twon’t do ye no good, you ain’t got no more 
show o’ gettin’ Darius Oreen (enter Darius and Hoy) than 
he^s got (Bus.) of gettin^ Evelyn Blair. 

Darius — Lem Yarrington, you — (Bus.) 

Lein — AVdiat? 

Darius — Talk too much. Mornin’, Leila Belle. 

Leila Belle — Morniid, Darius. 

Darius — M a, but you’re a picture in your new gown. 

Leila Belle — Ma said she thought you’d like it. 1 
brought you over a new tie for your birthday. 

Darius — My, my, you always did have such remarkable 
taste. 

Leila Belle — Ma said she thought you’d like it! Shall 1 
tie it on for you? 

Darius — Thank you, Leila; I appreciate your remem- 
brance, but you see I’vt^ got a new one on now — a present. 

Lem — From his other girl, ha! ha! ha! 

Darius — You hen^ yet, ma gossip? 

Leila Belle — If you want it, wear it. 

Darius — 1 can’t to-day, Leila, yon see. 

Leila Belle — Yes, I see — Mr. (Ireen — (Bus. SuaU-hes 
it back.) H(u*e, Lcnn, want a lUM-ktie? (Bus. Leila Belle 
exit.) 

Darius — Now, Ijeila Belle — 

Lem (Bus. Buts on tie) — l>on’t do to tritk* with the 
ladies, Darius. (Ihis.) 

Darius — Thei*(^ lu^ver was anything serious between 
Leila Ih^lle and m(‘ except in her imagination and yours 
likely, but theri^’s goin’ to be something serious between 
you and me if you (wer trihe with Miss Blair’s name agin 
in my bearin’. 

Lem — Sho. 

Darius — I mean it. She’s a young lady — in my house — 
under my imotei tiou — same as a sister, ami I won’t stand 
it. 

Lem — What’ll you do — you — why, I could swallow you 
with one bite. 


17 


Darius — Mouth’s big enough. 

Lem — I’ll talk’s mueli as I please; you can’t stop me. 

Darius — You can’t bully me into a row to-day. 

Lem — ’Oourse not. 1 was only foolin’ you, Darius, lied 
no idea I was tredding on sicli a favorite corn. 

Darius — What’s the mattei*, Loy, Avon’t it blow? 

Koy — No. 

Lem — Sympathize Avith A'OU, Darius, tough to see 
another feller Avalkin’ oft' aa ith 3^er best girl. 

Darius (Bus.) — If aa e only had Lem’s mouth now. 

Lem — But money’s a poAverful magnet to the female 
heart. (Darius bloAA s horn.) 

Lem — Say, Darius, Alan Woodford’s in the i^arlor. Poor 
Darius — ha! ha! ha! Darius Green an’ his flyin’ ma- 
chine — ha! ha! ha! (Exit Lem.) 

Darius — I’ll nioAV the grass Avith that feller some day. 

Boy— Darius, aa hen you going to shoot off the skyrock- 
ets? 

Darius — In the eA^enin’. 

Boy — Isn’t it jiretty near eA’^ening noAV? 

Darius — ’Tain’t noon A^et. 

Boy — Looks like evening. 

Enter Ea^oI^ui Avith Boy’s hat. 

EA^elyn — Boy! Come dear, Ave’re all ready; come and 
Pv^t your iieAV hat on. 

Boy (goes to C. — Stops) — Wait till I get my trumpet. 
(Starts to go back to B. Stops.) Oh! 

kA^elyn (quickly alarmed) — What is it? 

Boy (beAvildered) — I can’t see — it’s so dark — I can’t see! 

Darius (exclamation.) 

Evelyn (goes to him. Bus.) — Can’t see! Look at me. 
Boy. Look at me. It’s light again, isn’t it— you can see 
now? (Boy shakes his head.) 

Evelyn (criisln^s him in her arms) — Oh! he is blind! He 
is blind! 

Ent(‘r Dr. Doolittle from house. 

Darius— No — no. (To doctor.) It’s the boy. Doc. He 
is — he can’t see. 

Dr. (goes to Evelyn, takes Boy gently aAvay) — Give him 
to me. Miss Evelyn. Don’t be frightened, old felloAV, come 
on into the house. (Tak(‘s Koy iiilo house. Evelyn starts 
to folloAV.) 

Darius — Now, l']velyn, you must calm yourself; you 
don’t want to frighten the poor little feller. (She cries.) 
Now, noAV, take heart. 

Evtdyn — Take heart? Do you nmlize that he is blind — 


18 


think what that means — never to see anything again — 
the birds and flowers that he loves so much. He’s only a 
baby now, and he may live on for years, and it will always 
be night to him. Why! Why! should lie suffer so? And 
I — all I wantefl in this world was to keep him well and 
happy. It isn’t fair — I had only him to live for and his 
life is spoiled — he had only me to love him, and he can 
never see me again. It isn't fair— it isn’t fair. 

Darins— There must be some help for him. 

Evelyn — The doctor told me — there’s a great oculist in 
Boston — he could help him even now. But it’s impossible, 
it would cost a great deal of money. 

Darius — Mone^^? (’ould money get him back his sight? 
Then don’t you worry; I’ll sell everything I got, even my 
Ilyin’ machine. 

Evelyn — Oh, I know you would, but you’ve spent so 
much now — the jnciiic to-day, all the things, flags, horns 
and fire-works, and you did it all for Boy, and now he can’t 
see. Oh, Boy! Boy — (^^T^eps at porch.) 

Darius — How much did the doctor say it would cost? 

Evelyn — Three hundred dollars, maybe more. 

Darius — What? Is. that all — we can raise that easy. 

Evelyn — I won’t let you sell the place — I won’t let you 
do that. 

Darius — Evelyn, the night your father died he put his 
hand under his pillow an’ drew out a roll o’ bills. Darius, 
says he, it’s all that’s left; use it for Boy an’ Eveljm as 
you see fit; look after ’em and remember what you do for 
the fatherless T1 be renienib(U‘ed to you. I said I\1 stand 
by ye. 

Evelyji (brokenly) — Von have — yon have. 

Darins — Tie put the money into my hand, and when 1 
unclasped it he was gone. 

Evelyn— Kut onr money is all si>ent, Aunt Sarah says 
so. 

Darius— Sarah says niore’n her prayers, there's some of 
it left. I’ll lend ye the balance an’ we’ll take Koy to Bos- 
ton to-day. 

Evelyn — Oh, Darius, you’ll let me pay it back? 

Darius — ’Course, when you go t(* t<‘achin’ school in the 
fall. 

Evelyn — Yes, yes. 1 can giv(* you back the money, but 
I can never, never pay you. (Throws arms ronnd him, 
kisses him.) 

Darius — Interest’s pai<l anyhow. IIoav is it. Doc? 

Enter Doctor. 

Dr. — There’s only one hope, and that’s in the oi)eration, 
and delay in tliat would be fatal. 


19 


Darius — AA'e ain't «oiu’ to delaj'. 

Dr. — He’s ujj in his room. 

Evelyn — I’ll go to him. (Goes to porch.) 

Darius — We'll take tluit ten-forty train. Just throw a 
few things into a satchel. 

Evelyn — Yes, yes. God bless you, Darius. (Exit Evelyn.) 

Darius — Amen ! 

Dr. — The folks ai-e all on the front porch. 

Darius — Good place! Way nothin’. Warah'll be dancin’ 
around like a hen on a hot gridiron an’ Mis’ Emmons’ 
heart’ll be turnin’ tlap-jacks. How about that doctor in 
lloston, give me his address. No, 1 might forget; go into 
the parlor an’ write it down on a card, an’ just give Alan 
Woodford the wink iin’ tell him I want to see him — out 
here, right away, llow much do you think it’ll cost? 

Dr. — The expenses and all — Miss Evelyn will want to be 
with him? 

Darius — 't'ourse. How much? 

Dr. — Anywhere from fJOO to f 1,000. 

Darius (whistles, takes out money) — Fourteen dollars, 
seventy-six cents. AVish I hadn’t blowed in so much on 
that darned tlyin’ machine. 

AA’oodfoid (entering) — Ah! Darius, do you want to see 
me? 

Darius — Yes. You still in love with that pasture an’ 
woodland, Alan? 

AA'oodford — My affections haAcn’t changed, Darius. 

Darius — AA’ell, I don’t want to sell it. 

AA’oodfoi'd — Wo you said befoi'e. 

Darius — Hvit I’ll give 3 U)U a chance to get it. 

Wo<jdford — Hoav ? 

Darius — On a mortgage. 

AA’oodford — I’d prefer to buy. 

Darius — Look here, Alan, I’m in a hurry. I want four 
hundred dollars mighty (piick an’ darn bad — I want to go 
to Boston. Oh! darn it — you understand — Hoy’s gone 
blind; sister’s heart’s brcdce; want to take him to a great 
doctor there. I don’t want to sell, don’t want to break up 
the old i)lace; want to keej) it as father left it to me; but 
you lend me the money, and if I don’t make good in three 
months I’ll sell ye the twenty acres at your figure; you 
know 1 nev(“r br(»ke my word. 

Woodford (Bus.) — Wix hundred. (Bus.) I haven’t got 
very much currency about me. 

Darius — Give me what you got, aud write me a check 
for the balance. 

Wo<tdford (gives money) — I’ll give you a hundred now 


20 


and bring the balanee and the papers for you to sign to 
Boston to-niorrow. 

Darius — It's a go. 

Enter Doctor, gives Darius card. 

Darius — The Doc'll give you the address. Say nothing 
to Evelyn, nor to 'Sarah. 

Woodford — Not a word. 

Darius — Say mortgage to Sarnh aid she’ll stand on her 
head. I’ll rely on you, Alan. I want the folks to go on to 
the picnic just the same. 

Enter Dodge. 

Darius- — Dodge, you tire them tire-works otf in the 
evenin’, aid look out you don’t shoot any o’ them rockets 
into your pumpkin face and put out them onion eyes o’ 
your’n. 

Enter Evelyn with Boy. Goes to horse-block C. 

Evelyn — Come, Boy, we’re going for a ride; Darius and 
you and I. 

Darius (Bus.) — ^Jiiiiip in, Eveljm. (Places Boy on seat 
beside her.) Whoa! Good-bj^e, folks! 

Enter all from house. 

Sarah (on porch) — Why, Darius, ain’t you goin’ to the 
picnic? 

Darius — Picnic, hell! We’re goiid to Boston. 


CUBTAIN. 


21 


ACT II. 

Scene: A lloom at Darius’ Home. (Sarah discovered. 

Dodge discovered reading' paper. Knock at door.) 

Miss D. — Dodge, drop that newspaper and open that 
dooi*. (Dodge opens door.) 

Enter Leila Belle. 

Leila — It’s only me. My! it’s sharp. Shouldn’t wonder 
if we'd have frost before mornin’. Evenin’ Miss Bassett. 

Miss B. — Evenin’ Leila Belle. (Dodge exit to get wood.) 

Leila — Saw Darius this mornin’ an’ he said Evelyn was 
expected to-night. 

Miss B. — Them’s the expectations. Darius gone down 
to the Eailway Station to meet ’em, noAA^ Coinin’ on the 
8:45 train. 

Leila — I was down to Hankinson’s store an’ I thought 
I’d jist run in. 

Miss B. — Take that rocker. (Bus. Does so.) 

Enter Dodge, Avith armful of wood. 

Miss B. — Dodge, Avhat on airth’s all that wood fot? 

Dodge — Evelyn’s cornin’. 

Miss B.-— Well, 1 kuoAV it. You needn’t to burn up the 
hull wood-pile jist ’cause Evelyn’s cornin’. Where you 
goin’ now? 

Dodge — Build ’nother lire. 

Miss B.— Where? 

Dodge— Fi'ont parlor. 

Miss B. — Fire in the front parlor in October? I won’t 
have it. 

Dodge — Darius .said so. 

Miss B. — I don’t care. I’m bossin’ the insides o’ this 
house. Put that wood in the box. 

Dodge— Darius said so. (Exit kitchen. Bus. noise off 
stage. Drops wood in box.) 

Miss B. — That’s right, bang it doAvn. For massy sakes, 
sit doAvn an’ keep still. There’ll be racket enough when 
Lady Evelyn arrives; there Avon’t be no peace the whole 
Avinter long. Darius’ll be plannin’ sleigh rides, an’ candy- 
pullin’s and every other tom-foolishness. 

Enter Dodge, crosses stage and exit. 

Dodge — Bully! 

Miss B. — ’Tween you all a er enough to try the patience 
of a saint — if I don’t deserve a star in my crown — 


22 


Leila — S’pose you’re glad Evelyn’s cornin’ home? 

Miss B. — Don’t s’pose nuthin’ at all about it. Dodge! 

Enter Dodge, starting up stairs with wood. 

Miss B. — Where you goin’ now? 

Dodge — Build fire in Evelyn’s room. 

Miss B. — Fire in Evelyn’s room? 

Dodge — Darius said so. 

Miss B. — There ain’t never been any fire in the bed- 
rooms in this house ’cept in dead o’ winter, an’ there ain’t 
goin’ to be any to-night. Put that wood in the box. 

Dodge — Darius’ll swear. (Exit, and drops wood with 
bang off stage.) 

Miss B. — There you go bangin’ agin. Set down in the 
kitchen, and stay there. 

Dodge (off stage)— Bully ! 

Miss B. (sits down) — I guess Evelyn ain’t got so fine since 
she went to Boston that we’ve got to put on company airs 
fer her. She’s no queen if Darius does bow down to her. 

Leila Belle — Ma was sayin’ this mornin’ that she 
wouldn’t wonder if all this going on between Evelyn and 
Darius didn’t end in a wedding. 

Miss B. — Darius Green never’ll marry Evelyn Blair with 
my consent. 

Leila Belle^ — I don’t believe Darius Green’ll ever marry 
anybody. He’s such a flirt. He Hits around among the 
girls like a butterfly in a posie bed. He’s been flitting 
^around pretty lively in the minister’s front yard lately. 

Miss B. — ^How you talk. 

Leila Belle^ — Ever since Evelyn’s been in Boston. 

Miss B. — You don’t mean to say Darius lies turned his 
affections towards that Amy Bobinson? 

Leila Belle — Everybody’s talking about it, — say it’s a 
race between him and Doc. Doolittle, with Darius in the 
lead. 

Miss B. — ^Well, her family’s very rich. That’s the kind 
of a match fer Darius to make — if he ever makes any. 

Leila Belle — I wonder what Evelyn’ll say when she 
hears Darius is sweet on her dearest friend. 

Miss B. — Huh! Dunno. Mebbe you better tell her and 
find out. 

Leila Belle — Maybe I will now, just fer fun. (Knock at 
door.) 

Enter Dodge. 

Dodge (opens door) — Gompany! 

Amy (coming in) — Good-evening, Dodge. Good-evening, 
Miss Bassett. Good-evening, Miss Bird. Haven’t they 
come yet? 


23 


Miss B. — Well, I s’pose it’s natural j’ou should be kinder 
anxious to see ’em, doctor, seein’ it Avas you that started 
them off on that AAuId goose chase. 

Dr. — You can hardly call it a aa ild goose chase, Miss Bas- 
sett, the boy’s eyesight has been restored. 

MissB. — Oh! Fiddlesticks! I don’t hold AAuth your neAA’ 
tangled ideas of doctorin’. If old Doctor Monroe had been 
aliA'e he’d have given the boy a good dose of calomel, an’ 
put some Merritt’s eye salve on his eyes and he’d have been 
all right. 

Amy (at Avindow) — Here they come! Here they come! 

Dodge (exit to door) — They’re coinin’! they’re cornin’! 
(Exit.) 

Darius (calls outside) — Whoa ! Whoa ! Give him to me, 
Evelyn. Gimme yer hand. Here Ave are. (Enter Darius 
AAoth Evelyn and Boy.) Bless your hearts — safe and sound 
on terry finny once’t more. 

Evelyn — Amy! (Bus.) And Leila Belle — (ad lib) — 
Aunt Sarah — 

Miss B. — Well, EAelyn, jou’re back. (Taking her hand 
coldly.) 

EA^elyn — Oh, Iioaa’ glad I am to be home again. (Sees 
Doc.) Oh, doctor — (Takes his hand.) 

Amy (hugging her again.) — You darling old tbing, you 
don’t knoAA^ hoAA" glad I am to see you — and Boy, too; are his 
eyes all right? 

Darius (Bus. Stands Boy C. on table.) — All right! Just 
Avatch. (Bus.) What’s this I hold in my hand? 

Boy — Candy. 

Darius — All right! Who’s this candy for? 

Boy — Me. (Grabs it.) 

Amj' — Oh! He can see all right. 

Miss B. — That’s right, spoil his appetite for supper. 

Darius — To the victor belongs the spoil. 

Leila Belle — Guess I’ll be goin’. 

Darius — What’s yer hurry, Leila Belle? You better stay 
and have a cup o’ tea. 

Miss B. — Yes, do. We’A^e all had our supper — 

Leila Belle — So haAe I had mine. 

Miss B. — You can drink a cup o’ tea. (Exit.) 

Darius — Stay and spend the evenin’. 

Leila Belle — I don’t knoAV but t aaTII. (Following Miss 
B.) I might stay a little Avhile, but you knoAv I have to be 
up early in the mornin’ fer school. (Exit kitchen door.) 

Amy (to EA'clyn) — Spiteful thing! Took good care to 
let you knoAv that she had the school to teach for the 
winter. 


24 


Evelyn — Never mind, 1^11 have to find another way to 
earn money. 

Darius — Hurry up that tea, Sarah. S’pose you^re most 
starved, Evelyn? Looks kinder pale, don’t she? Don’t 
believe they give ye enough to eat in Boston. Well, we’re 
all mighty glad to see you. Things been kinder lonely 
without you. 

Evelyn — If you only knew how homesick and lonesome 
I’ve been. I can scarcely realize that I’m home again, 
sitting in my own chair in the dearest old room in the 
world, k^or awhile, Avhen Boy was so ill, it seemed almost 
more than I could bear, but it’s over now, and I’ve only 
my deathless gratitude to Darius to remind me of it all. 

Darius — If I hear another word about gratitude to 
Darius, I’ll — pack ye off to Boston again. 

Evelyn — We won’t go — will Ave, Boy? 

Enter Dodge, Avith trunk. 

Dodge — Trunk ! 

Darius — ’Ooiirse it’s a trunk. See that without you 
tollin’ us. Take it up to Evelyn’s room. 

Dodge (Bus.) — Hoav do, E\elyn. 

Evelyn — How do you do. Dodge. 

Dodge — Home agin? 

Evelyn — Yes. 

Dodge — Glad of it. (Goes up stairs Avith trunk.) 

Darius — ^Oonipliment to you, Evelyn. That’s the first 
time I ever heard Dodge say he Avas glad to see anybody. 
Look out now, don’t fall down and bark yer shins — ^there 
ye go. (Bus. Dodge stumbles, almost falls.) You 
won’t get married this 3 ear. (Amy and Doctor up stage.) 

Dodge — Don’t Avant to. (Exit, falls off up stairs.) 

Darius — There ye go agin, Mr. Tumblebug. (To Boj', 
Avho is feeling in his pockets.) Here! Here! You won’t 
find any more candy. You’re going to have your supper 
pretty quick now. 

Boy — Don’t Avant an3’ supper. 

EA^eljm — There! I kneAV Iioav it Avould be. The mo- 
ment he get’s home you begin to spoil him, and you don’t 
stop at his appetite either. 

Miss B. (at door.) — Tea’s ready, Evelyn. 

Evelyn — Ooine, Amy. 

Am 3^ — I’ve been to supper. 

Evelyn — Never mind, you’re equal to another. I had 
no idea I Avas hungry until I caught a glimpse of the sup- 
per table as aa e passed the aa indoAv. (Going.) 

Amy — I’m always hungry. (Exeunt Amy, Boy and 
Evel3m to kitchen.) 


25 


Darius — Well, Doc? (Bus.) 

Dr. — Well, Darius? Feel happy to-night? 

Darius — Tip-top. Never better. The boy’s got his eyes 
again. They’re home. (( Voss and get deed out of desk.) 
She’s home. (Amy lauglis off stage.) 

Dr. — Darius, were you ever in love? 

Darius — Thought I was tAvo or three times. 

Dr. — With a girl, Avay above you in social position and 
wealth ? 

Darius — She had me beat a hundred to one. 

Dr. — Did you mention the subject to her? 

Darius — I had the nerve — 

Dr. — What did she do? 

Darius — Dropped it. 

Dr. — A poor devil is a fool to give a girl the chance to 
throAv him over. 

Darius — Yes; it’s just as Avell fer him to take a tumble 
to himself first. Still a man’s bound to be a fool about a 
woman, or Avomen, one time or another — more likely to 
be another than one— but it’s the way Ave’re built. Doc. 

Dodge enters down stairs. 

Darius — Did you build a fire in Evelyn’s room? 

Dodge — Nop. 

Darius — Why not? 

Dodge — Sarey Avouldn’t let me. 

Darius — Sarey be Sareyed! Built one in the parlor? 

Dodge — Sarey aa ouldnV let me. 

Darius — AYell, I’ll be slambangled. 

Dodge — Told her you’d SAvear. 

Darius — You go build ’em noAV. (Dodge gets Avood.) 
I’ll cut doAvn Sarey’s alloAvance of authority in this man- 
sion first thing she knoAVS. 

Dodge — Which first? 

Darius — Evelyn’s ’course. (Dodge goes up-stairs.) 
Then you go slick yourself up — remember, cleanliness is 
next to godliness. Dodge never seems to get next. Look 
out for that game foot. (Dodge falls off.) There you go 
again — job for you. Doc. Dodge’s got a case of mixed 
feet. Well, hoAv’s business? 

Dr. — Botten! This is the healthiest burg 1 ever struck. 
I’m going to quit. 

Darius — Ain’t goin’ to leave us? 

Dr. — I’m in debt — can’t see my Avay out; oAve for my 
horse, my buggy — 

Darius — Hoav much do 1 oAve you? Fer tendin’ the 
boy? 

Dr. — Nonsense! 


26 


Darius — Xo nonsense about it. If it hadn’t been fer 
your advice, things wouldn’t liave come out so fortunate. 
How’s fifty dollars strike you? 

Dr. — I won’t take fifty cents. 

Darius — Yes, you will too. Think I’m goin’ to let you 
move now — good tim(‘’s just a’ daAvnin’ for you. Cold 
weather coinin’ on, mumiis an’ measles and newnionj^, and 
grip — (knock at door) and s’pose’n Amy gets sick, who’s 
going to doctor her? 8he Avon’t have any doctor but you, 
told me so herself. (Opens door.) Come in, Alan, come 
in. 

Enter Woodford. 

Woodford — Oood-e\ening, Darius. Has Miss Blair 
arrived? 

Darius — She’s home, an’ the boy can see like a liaAvk. 

Woodford — That’s good, that’s good. Ah! doctor. 
(Crosses to Doctor.) 

Dr. — Good-evening, Mr. Woodford. (Darius, about to 
shut door.) 

Darius — Yes, sir, the boy’s all — (Dodge comes doAvn 
stairs, gets Avood.) 

Yarrington — Hold on, Darius. 

Darius — That you, Lem? 

• Yarrington enters. 

Lem — AVhat you try in’ to do — shut me out? 

Darius — Xo, sir; this door aa as ever open unto soitoav — 
(‘ome in. 

Lem — Air’s sharp to-night. 

Darius — ’Tis kind o’ nippy. Dodge hustle up that fire 
in the parlor. (Dodge exits.) Sit down, make yourselves 
at home, elust been lookin’ over the papers, Alan. 

Woodford — Ah! You found them all right? 

Darius — Yes; I suppose 1 might as Avell sign the deed 
noAV. When I borroAA ed that money from you I prom- 
ised to pay you back in three months or sell you that 
tAveuty acres of pasture and timber — that Avas the agree- 
ment? 

Woodford — That Avas the understanding. 

Darius — The time’s up. I couldn’t raise the money, 
Alan, you couldn’t Avait — Oh! I ain’t askin’ you to Avait. 

Woodford — There’s a balance of two hundred dollars 
coming to you. (Prodm^es money.) 

Darius — Makes six hundred in all — party fair price too. 
But it ain’t the pri(‘e, it’s all a matter of sentiment, as the 
preacher said aa hen he took his pay in a kiss from the bride. 
Gentlemen, this place has been in the Green family fer 
three generations; I neA^er thought I’d be the first to 


27 


break into it. (Goes to window.) That’s a pretty piece 
of woodland — used to play in that pasture when I was a 
little boy like Roy — used to climb those trees — jest want 
to look at ’em a minute and fer the last time call ’em 
mine — they’re beautiful in the moonlight — beautiful — but 
— (turns away, comes down) the boy has got his eyes; give 
me that pen. (Bus. Signs deed.) Just witness this, 
Doc. (Bus. Doctor and Yarrington sign. Alan gives 
Darius money. Darius counts it.) 

Woodford — Some day you’ll be buying it back. 

Darius — When my ship comes in. 

Lem — Fljdn’ ship, Darius? How is the tlyin’ machine, 
anyhow? 

Darius — Out o’ sight. Some hitch about the patent. 
But I’ll git it an’ I’ll make a million dollars out o’ that 
machine. 

Lem — Sho! Darius, whatever could you do with a mil- 
lion dollars? 

Darius — Well, 1 don’t know just what I could do with it, 
but if worst come to Avorst, I could bloAV it. (Above con- 
A^ersation during bus. of signing deed.) 

Enter Miss B. 

Miss B. — What you doin’ here? 

Darius — Just comparin’ signatures to see Avho’s hand- 
Avritin’s the humbliest. You Avin the bet, Alan. 

Miss B. — Why, good-eA^enin’, Mr. AVoodford; heoAV do 
you do? Good-evenin’, Mr. Yarrington. I’ll jest tell the 
young ladies you’re here, ef you’ll excuse me. (Woodford 
pockets deed, looks meaningly at Yarrington.) 

Lem — Well, you can play marbles noAV, Alan. 

Woodford — We’ll see. Close mouth now. 

Lem — Oh! I know Avliich side my bread’s buttered on. 
(Darius and Doc on opposite side stage, Darius trying to 
force money on Doc.) 

Darius— Oh! take it, now. Doc. 

Dr. — You don’t OAve it — I Avon’t take it. 

Darius — Then borroAV it. (Bus. Puts it into Doc’s 
pocket.) 

Dr. — You’ve got a heart like an ox. 

Darius — All right, don’t tell anybody. 

Enter Evelyn. Advances to Mr. Woodford. 

Evelyn — Good-evening, Mr. Woodford. Mr. Yarrington, 
too. 

Enter others, exchange greetings. 

Darius (to Roy) — Well, Roa ’d you eat your supper. 

Miss B. — Wouldn’t eat anything but ginger cake. 


28 


Darius — Well, ginger cake’s healthy, ain’t it. Doc? 

Dr. (mock seriously) — To the best of my belief ginger 
cake is an article of diet admirably calculated to both 
stimulate and satisfy the youthful appetite. 

Darius — Fetch the Doc a cookie. 

— ^"ot only is it an extremely palatable, but a highly 
nutritious edible. 

Darius — Fetch him the whole pantry. 

Miss B. — Land sakes! 1 don’t believe a Avord of it. 

Dr. — Fact, 1 assure you. 

Lem — Say, Doc, is tliat the reason you didn’t eat none 
over at Mrs. Crosby’s apple paiin’ last Wednesday? She’s 
famous fer her ginger cake. 

Leila Belle — Why, Lem Yarrington, 1 guess everybody 
knoAvs Avhat spoiled the doctor’s appetite that night. 

Lem — Ila! 11a! ’Taint no fun to see your best girl 
dancin’ four times Avith another feller, is it. Doc? 

— You ought to knoAV, you didn’t seem to have a 
partner. 

Lem — Could a’ had one if I’d Avanted her. An’ it Avould 
take some one smarter’n Darius Green to get her UAvay 
from me, too. 

Darius — Here, here, avIio’s that takiu’ my name in A'ain? 

Leila Belle — Guess the doctor could have stood Amy’s 
dancin’ with Darius — but for her to let him take her home 
in his buggy. 

Lem — Made up your mind your ginger cake Avas dough, 
then, didn’t you. Doc? Ila! Ha! Ha! 

Amy (to Leila Belle) — I suppose you think it’s nice to dis 
cuss me like this — right before my face? 

Leila Belle — AYell, 1 didn’t kiioAv you’d rather be talked 
about behind your back — and a girl can’t haA'e all the 
felloAVS in toAvn a stringiu’ after her an’ not be talked about 
someAvhere. 

Amj’ — Well, I’d rather have all the felloAvs in toAvii than 
none at all, like some girls I knoAV. 

Evelyn — Amy! Amy! 

Aiu}^ — Well, I can’t help it — she’d make an angel sAvear. 
(Goes to AviiidoAV. Leila Belle goes to Evelyn.) 

Leila Belle (to hlvelyn) — She was jest mad because 1 AAms 
teasing her about her beaus. (Aside to Evelyn.) Maybe she 
hasn’t been leading the ]>oor doctor a dance. He’s so jeal- 
ous of I )arius he can’t see. Look at 1 )arius — ^he’s jest crazy 
OAmr her. Oh, there’s beem great goin’s on since a'ou AA'^ent 
to Boston. (Goes up, joins others.) 

Darius — Come along, noAV, Leila Belle didn’t mean any- 
thing; it’s just a Avay she has of plaguiug f<dks — she Avas 
only in fun. Say Ave have some singing — sing us that 


29 


song about— (Bus. Specialties. During song Boy falls 
asleep. Darius takes liini up-stairs, followed Evelyn. 
Darius returns imniediately. Leila Belle showing her 
jealous}". For encore, Amy sings ballad. Leila Belle hic- 
coughs at points of song, spoiling it. AYoyk up ad libitum. 
^^Get her some salt,’’ etc., etc.) I.eila Belle, you been drink- 
iug? 

Amy — Thank you, Miss Bird, you plaj^ed that accom- 
paniment beautifully. 

Enter Dodge. 

Dodge — Fire’s built. 

Darius — S’pose we all adjourn to the parlor, and you 
play the accompaniment fer yourself on the organ. 

Omnes — Yes, yes. Come on — that’s it — do now, etc. 

Darius — Come, and the Doc’ll sing. 

Dr. — Yes, I’ll sing, I can sing. 

Darius — Yes, the Doc’s a tenor robuster. 

Amj" — I don’t like tenor singers, they’re always strain- 
ing for high notes and swelling their necks, and getting red 
in the face. (Darius and Doc laugh as they exit. Exeunt 
all to parlor.) 

Leila Belle — ^S’pose she thinks I did that to spoil her 
song. 

Lem — Wouldn’t spile much. 

Leila Belle — She’s got a voice like a cat-bird. (Exit with 
Yarrington to parlor. Dai'ius, Dodge, Miss B., remain on.) 

Darius (get’s lamp) — Why don’t you go along into the 
parlor, Aunt Sarah? 

Miss B. — I ain’t no ])arlor ornament. 

Darius — Sho ! What’s ruffled your feathers this evenin’ ? 

Miss B. — Where you goin’ with that lamp? 

Darius (Dodge gets hammer) — Doavu cellar to tap that 
keg o’ cider. What you got in the ])antry ? 

Miss B. — Nothin’. 

Dodge — Big pan o’ doughnuts. 

Darius — Trot ’em out. 

Miss B. — Look here, Darius Green, I’d like to kmnv hoAV 
much longer you’re goin’ on Avastin’ your substance in riot- 
ous livin’ — 

Darius — Doughnuts and cider ain’t riotous. 

Miss B. — Huh! (Advances angrily.) 

Darius — Look out, you’ll bloAV out the laiiip. 

Miss B. — See here, Darius Green — (Advances.) 

Darius (grabs hammer from Dodge, stands on defcmsive) 
— Give me that hammer. Dodge. 

Miss B. (very angry) — Darius Green — (Dodge exits 
quick, kitchen. Miss Bedalia produces bill.) — Here’s that 


30 


bill you lost this moriiiii’. 1 found it. Over |800 fer 
fixiii’ that young one’s eyes. 

Darius — Well, it’s receipted, ain’t it? 

Miss D. — Her trip to Boston must a’ cost you as much as 
tive hundred dollars in all. 

Darius — Money don’t count in such cases* 

Miss B. — Where’d you get it? 

-Darius — Borrowed it. 

Miss B. — You’ve mortgaged the place? 

Darius — No. 

Miss B. — Who’d you borrow it from? 

Darius — Alan ^Voodford. -Now, you’ve got the whole of 
it — as Oen’l Oraiit said, let us have peace. (Bus. Hoy 
comes out in night-clothes and says, “(Topd-night, Darius.” 
Evelyn takes him back.) 

Miss B. — ’Tain’t like Alan Woodford to lend money with 
out security, an’ he ain’t got any love for you. It’s her — 
he’s got his eye on Evelyn. 

Darius — Alan Woodford ain’t tit to tie her shoes. No 
man is. 1 ain’t, but 1 could tie ’em better’ll he could. 

Miss B. — Alan could dress her in satins and silks and 
diamonds and laces, and all sich linery her frivolous heart’s 
set on. 

Darius — The best is none too good fer her. If that in- 
vention o’ mine only luins out. 

Miss B. — Oh, you needn’t to plume yourself with no 
sich hop(‘S, she’s lookin’ higher’n you, Darius. 

Darius — Well, I couldn’t look any higher’n her, for 
she’s an angel. 

Miss B. — Ang(d, liddh^sticks! Don’t you -go to settin’ 
your heart on Evelyn Blair — you’ll only break it, mind 
what I tell you. Build all the tlyin’ machines you want to, 
Darius, but don’t go chasin’ angels. (Turns away.) 

Darius (exiting)— Oh, go chase yourself. (Good-na- 
turedly. Exit. Laugh off stages) 

Enter Evelyn. Evedyn comes down stairs, Avhen she gets 
to foot of stairs. 

Miss B. — Evelyn! 1 want to talk to you. (Evelyn stops.) 
1 don’t want any healin’ about the bush, I want to know 
right out plain how much money Darius paid out for you 
and that boy in Boston. 

Evelyn — 1 — I don’t know. 

Miss B. — Don’t know! That’s a lie to start with. (Bus.) 
You needn’t to look at im^ like that. 

Evelyn — I tell you I don’t know. Darius arranged that 
all the bills for Hoy should be sent to him. My own money 
covered all my (expenses. 


31 


Miss B. — Your inouey! Where did you get money? 

Evelyn — It was some my father left. 

Miss B. — Your father didn't leave a dollar. Only fer 
Darius lieM have been put in the potter’s field, where sich 
spendthrifts belong — 

Evelyn (fiercely) — Don't you dare say another word 
against my father. He died broken-hearted — he dreaded 
so to leave Hoy and me alone. 

Miss B. — lie left you for other i)eople to support. 

Evelyn — 1 will pay Darius sometime. 

Miss B. — And where are you goin’ to get the money. 

Evelyn — I'll earn it somehow, somehow. 

Miss B. — And while you're waitin’, go on livin’ on him, 
runnin’ him deeper in debt. Oh! I’ve held in as long as 
1 (‘an and I'm goin’ to have my sa^^ once fer all. Before 
you came here he Avas doin’ Avell enough — had a little 
mon(\A^ saved and looked like he'd get along in spite of his 
laziness and extravagance. Now he ain’t got a dollar, 
head over ears in debt — no chance of pacin’. Next thing, 
therc^’ll be a mortgage on the place. You talk about your 
gratitude, but it Avould do a sight more good if you’d set 
about showin’ it. 

Evelyn — You know I wanted to teach the school this 
winter. It Avasn't my fault that I didn’t get it. 

Miss B. — Oh, shucks! they 's no money in teachin’ 
school. If you Avas very anxious to pay Darius you’d see 
a good deal better Avay. 

EA^elyn — Oh! If I only could. 

Miss B. — It Avouldn’t be long before you’d have more 
money than Avould pay Darius if you aa asn’t ahvays givin’ 
the cold shouldtu* to Alan Woodford. 

Evelyn — What? 

Miss B. — Oh, you knoAV aa ell enough that he’s crazy to 
marry you. He’s as good as told me so. He’d have 
ask(ul you long ago if yu’d treated him decent, an’ it ain’t 
too late noAV. 

Evelyn — It is too late. If that is the only Avay to pay 
my debt it must go unpaid. I Avill not sell myself to any 
man, and you shan’t driA^e me to it. 

H. — You’re xery high and mighty, ain’t you — put a 
beggar on horseback — you think you're so deep nobody 
can see through you; you Avon’t marry Alan Woodford 
because^ you're in loA^e aa ith Darius Green. 

Evcdyii — IIoAV dare you! Is there nothing sacred to 
you? If I have received charity it aauis not from you; 
Ave've been no added burden to you, for I’ve done my share 
of the Avork. You’ao alAAUxys hated me, not because you 
thought Darius aa ould suffer from my presence here — you 


32 


don't care oiiongli for liiin for that — it was because you 
thought another woman might weaken your intluence over 
him — that you miglit lose your place as his housekeeper. 
(Bus.) Oh, you hav(^ had your say, Tm going to have 
mine. Ever since I came you have tried to drive me away, 
but I have stayed because 1 thought I was not wholly de- 
pendent 111)011 Darius, and I shrank from leaving the only 
place 1 could call home, and I will not leave it now. 

Miss B.— No? 

Evelyn — No, not until Darius himself asks me to go. 

Miss B. — No, I s'i)ose you think if you stay long enough 
he'll ask you to marry him, but he won’t. He’d have done 
that long ago if he’d wanted you. If 3011 Avasn’t so 
wrapped up in your own conceit Aou'd see that he’s dead 
in love Avith Amy Ibibinson. (Bus.) Oh! That’s ueAVS to 
you, is it? But he can’t nianw her neither, so jmu’ve got 
that satisfaction. 

EvelAm — ^yhy — avIia^ can’t he man*}" her? 

Miss B. — Because she’s a rich girl — been accustomed to 
ev€U‘A thing moiu\y’ll Iniy^ and he’s poor as Job’s turkeA^; 
he’s as good as ruiiuMl, and all through 3^)11 — and even if he 
did git married he couldn’t bring his Avife home to the 
house Avhere another girl is queenin’ it over eA^erything. 

Ev"el3ui— You’ve said enough. It’s perfectl3^ clear to me 
noAv; I am going aAvay. V\\ not stand betAveen him and 
happiness. I Avant to go iioav. (With a burst, crossing 
stage.) 

Miss B. — Without ])a3 iid the money? 

Evelyn — If it Aviu'e not for that I Avould take 1113" brother 
in my arms and go to-night— if it were not for that debt, 
Avhich 1 Avill irdy, (At AvindoAV.) 

Miss B. — Ye’ll marrv Woodford? 

Evel3ui (turning on her fiercel3^) — As long as AA^e sta3^ 
under this roof 1 don’t Avant you to speak to me. Until 
to-night I’A^e boiaie your insults. I’ve tried to believe that 
3"ou did not realize tlu^ bitterm^ss of your oAvn Avords; 1 did 
not dream that aiiN^ Avoman could be so cruel. (Bus.) 
Don’t talk any inori^ uoav, I won’t have it; unless 3'ou Avant 
me to tell Darius all that we've said, leave me alone, and 
go — the air 3^011 breatlu^ stilh^s me; go — go — go! (Bus. 
Miss B. exits.) 

Enter Amy, goes to stairs, then sees Evelyn. 

Am3^ — Oh! Here 3^011 are. I’ve left the gentlemen to 
the tendei- mercies of L(Mla Belle. She’s singing ^A'ou'll 
never find a loA^e like mine.” Oh, I’ve got such a lot to 
tell 3'Ou. In the first ]>lace, I’ve done it — lost my heart — 
I’m in loA-e — (exclamation from Evelyn) — ^and the best of 
it is he loves me. 


33 


Evelyn — ^Has he told you so? 

Amy — Oh my, yes, but he won’t ask me to marry him 
because he’s poor^ — as if that mattered. 

Evelyn — And you love him — love him with all your 
heart — love him well enou<>h to share any sorrow that 
might come to him — well enough to share even his pov- 
erty? 

Amy — Why, of course — I — Why, Evelyn, what is the 
matter? 

Evelyn — Kothing, dear, nothing. 1 am well — happy — 
very, very happy. 

Enter Darius, folloAved by Dodge, cider and doughnuts, 
two glass pitchers. Bus. 

Darius — Give me the cider, you take the doughnuts, 
you’re liable to get tangled in your feet again and tumble, 
and you can gather up the doughnuts. (Exit Dodge.) Hello, 
what you girls gossippin’ about out here — come along into 
the parlor — come along, Evelyn, you’re missin’ all the fun. 
What you looking at? (Miss Bassett goes in with glasses 
from kitchen to parlor.) 

Amy (comes down) — We were just admiring the beauti- 
ful moon. 

Darius — I don’t have to look out the window to see beau- 
tiful sights. (Going.) 

Amy — You’re tiattering — Ha! Ha! 11a! 

Darius — I Avas speakin’ o’ the cider. (Exit Amy and 
Darius. Music.) 

Evelyn — Good-bye, my dreams, foolish, idle dreams — but 
you Jiave been very dear to me — and you will never come 
back to me again. (Stands looking into lire.) 

Enter Woodford. 

Woodford— Evelyn? Miss Blair? 

Evelyn — Oh! It is you. 

Woodford — Yes, I only wanted to say good night, and — 
that you need not fear me, I Avill not ])ersecute you with 
my attentions. My sentiments, howeA^er, Avill never 
change. 

Eveh n — Mr. Woodford, aa hen you called in Boston, and 
made me that olfer of marriage, I refused you because I did 
not love you — I do not love you noAV— but if you still want 
me, 1 Avill be your Avife. 

Woodford — Still Avant you? 

Evelyn — Wait — hear me through, and then if the bar- 
gain does not suit you you may reject it — it is a sale, and 
I must dictate my OAvn terms. 

Woodford — T accept in advance. 


34r 


Evelyn— i\Iy brother — we must never be separated. 

Woodford — You shall have him with you always, I will 
educate him — I — 

Eveh n — That is not all. I have a debt to pay — I don’t 
know hoAv much — but you must ])romise me that on our 
wedding day you will pay Darius Green what it cost him to 
save my brother’s sight. 

Woodford — I promise. 

Evelyn — Then I will marry you. 

Woodford — When? 

Evelyn — Whenever you like. 

Woodford — Let it be soon — in a week? 

Evelyn — No — and 3et — I have been here too long — yes, 
in one week. 

Woodford — Evelyn. (Bus. Kisses her hand.) Em 
going to saj^ good-night now in earnest. 

All enter from B. 

Ani3’ — So am I. 

Leila Belle — Oh, Fve got to go home. 

Darius — Strikes me j^ou’re all in a dreadful huny. 

Woodford (shakes hands with Bedalia) — Good-night, 
Miss Bassett. Are you going my way, Yarrington? 

Lem — Guess not. 

Woodford — Well, good night everybody. (Exit.) 

Leila Belle — I oughtn’t to have sta^^ed so long, it’s so 
far to our house. 1 always feel kind of skittish going 
home alone. 

Lem — I’ll see you safe there, jest hitch on to me. 

Leila Belle — Well, 1 guess I won’t. If that’s what 
you’re waitin’ for you’d better hurry and catch up with 
Mr. Woodford. 

I.em — I guess I don’t need to catch up with nobody — I 
ain’t afraid to walk home alone. Good night folks. 
(Exit.) 

Amy (to Darius) — She’s just Avaiting to see if you’ll take 
her home. 

Darius — She’ll have a long wait. 

Amy (to Evelyn)— Good night, dear, hope you’ll feel bet- 
ter in the morning. Good night all. 

Dr. — Good night, good-night. (Exit, Amy and Doctor.) 

Miss B. — Maybe Dodge had better walk home with 3^)11, 
Leila Belle. 

Darius — ’Gourse he will. (Dodge (luick exit.) Dodge! 
Where did he go to? Dodge! Dodge! (Darius, quick 
exit.) 

Leila Belle — Never mind. I’ll just run and ketch up with 
Amy and the doctor. (Exit, calls.) Say, wait fer me, 
please. 


35 


Enter Darius. 

Darius — ^^Is slie gone? Funny what became of Dodge. 
(Enter Dodge.) Don’t you ever do a thing like that again 
— very ungentlemanly. 

Dodge — Wliere was you? 

Darius — I? I was lookin’ for you. Well, we’ve had a 
jolly time. 

Miss B. (getting lamp) — Jolly time’s about all you seem 
to live for, Darius. 

Darius — Have fun — ^have it often, and have it in chunks, 
is my idea o’ life. 

xMiss B. — That’s what the grasshopper said till old eTack 
Frost overtook him one winter's mornin’. (Exit.) 

Darius — Sarah’s a cold proposition. 

Dodge (who has been getting lantern) — Letter — come by 
afternoon mail. 

Darius — Why di<ln’t you give it to me before? 

Dodge — Fergot. (Exit out-doors.) 

Evelyn (about to go with lamp) — (Tood-night, Darius. 

Darius — Don’t say good-night just 3 ^et, Evelyn — set 
down the lamp and let’s talk. (Bus.) Sit down here — 
you — you’ve been happy here, haven’t you, Evelyn? 

Evelyn— Oh! Very, very hapi)y. 

Darius — Going to Boston didn’t give you unsatislied 
longings fer the city? 

Evelyn — Oh, no, no. 

Darius — You remember a promise I made you once’t, 
the day you and Boy went to Boston, last Fourth — re- 
member — why, yes, I said if I ever fell in love Fd come 
and tell you tirst. Well, why don’t you ask me sunthiii? 

Evelyn — Ask you what? If you’ve fallen in love? 

Darius — ’Course. 

Evelyn — Why — I — knew — it — without asking. 

Darius — Von knew it — knew 1 was in love — Sho! 
Somebody must have told you — I don’t know how anybody 
could find it out — I ain’t said a word. Lord! I haven’t 
(lartMl to whis])er it ev(m to myself. S’pose you’ve guessed 
who she is? 

Evelyn — Oh! yes, I know. 

Darius — Well, what do you think of my choice? 

Evelyn (rising)— Don’t — don’t say any more to-night, 
Darius, 1 (*an’t bear it — I — 

Darius — Why, Evelyn — 

h^velyn — Don’t mind me, Darius — I’m not myself to- 
night. I’m nervous, I guess. (Bus.) Go on — tell me. It 
se(mis so funny for yon to be sitting here telling me about 
your love affairs (hysterically laughing), and yon tell it 
in such a comical way too. 


Darius — l>oes sound kind o' like joke, don’t it. (She 
laughs.) My, but 3 ou veer around so sudden — like a daffo- 
dil in a gust of wind — lirst j^ou’re droopin', then j^ou’re 
danein^ — 

Eveh 11 — Wh}^ shouldn’t 1 dance, and be light-hearted — 
I’m to be married next week. 

Darius (puzzled) — You’re goin’ to be married next week? 

Evelyn — Next week, VVeduesda3\ 

Darius — Eunny \ou didn’t sa^^ somethin’ to me before 
3^ou set the da.y. 

Evehn — We intended to (*onsult you to-morrow — Mr. 
Woodford — 

Darius — Mr. Woodford — what’s he got to — why — Eve- 
13 11- -3^011 ain’t — 

Evelyn — Yes, Darius, I’m engaged to Alan Woodford. 

Darius — Alan Woodford— 3er goin’ to marry Alan 
Woodford? 

Evelyn — You’re surprised? 

Darius — Well — some — jest fer a minute. 

Evelyn — He proposed to me to-night. 

Darius — Do you love him, Evelyn? 

Evel3m — Why, what does a girl marr3^ a man for if she 
doesn’t love him? 

Darius — I’m glad — if you love him. lie’s a rich man — 
he’ll do well by you and Hoy, Say — 3 oil’ll be married from 
here, won’t 3"ou? 

Evelyn — I was going to ask you if I might — 

Darius — I’d like it — and I’ll give you a grand wedding — 

Evelyn — Xo — no — 

Darius- — Yes, I will, too — ain’t this your home— ain’t I 
been a father to you — it’ll jilease me — and say — about your 
wedding dress — hev you thought of that? ’Course you 
have, but you haven’t bought one yet — u]) stairs in moth- 
er’s old trunk is her weddin’ dress — it’s beautiful — all 
white — heavy silk — cost sixteen dollars a 3^ard — it’s old- 
fashioned, but you can have it fixed over in style — I’ll get 
it for you in the mornin’. 

Evelyn — Xo, no, keej) it for your own bride. 

Darius — My liride? 

Evel3'n — Keep it for Am3\ 

Darius — Amy? Amy? Oh, sure; forgot about her — you 
guessed it was Amy 1 was in love with — but that’s a long- 
way off — and you se(^, 3^ou’re the only daughter I’ve got — 
so you’ll wear it, won’t you? 

Evelyn — Oh, yes, yes, I )arius — I’ll do anything for 3'OU — 
Ood bless you — you’v(‘ Ixhmi so good — so good — (Bus.) 

Darius — Xever mind that — Avhy yer all tremblin’ — yer 
all unstrung — better go to bed — (Bus.) 


37 


Evelyn — (Starts up stairs.) 

Darius — Good-night, Evelyn. 

Evelyn (at top of stairs, breaking down almost) — Good- 
night. (Exit.) 

Darius — I love her — I love her — she’ll never know — 
never know. (Opens letter at fire-place, reads): ^^Trouble 
about your patent — some one ahead of you — fear your in- 
vention’s a failure.’’ Well, Alan’s rich — it’s better so — 
better so — been flyin’ too high, Darius — flyin’ too high — 
flyin’ ^ (Stands looking into fire-place.) 


CUKTAIN. 


38 


ACT III. 

Scene — Koom in Darius’ House. 

Discovered; Amy and Doctor lookinp, at floral wedding- 

bell. 

Dr. — Don’t you like the old-fashioned custom of hanging 
a wedding-bell? 

Amy — 1 think everything about a wedding is lovely. 
Say, do you know I’m disai>i>ointed. 

Dr. — About what? 

Amy — Oh! I’d made up my mind that Evelyn would 
marry Darius. 

Dr. — So had 1. Hut if everything goes through on time, 
in another half hour she’ll be Mrs. Alan Woodford. 

Amy — I wonder if she loves him — poor Evelyn! I hope 
she’ll be happy. (Bus.) Did you notice how delightfully 
tall from a back view I look in this dress? 

Dr. — I noticed there was something delightful about it. 
Do you know you look like a bride yourself to-day. 

. Amy — Do you think so? 

Dr. — Very much. Just imagine you are a bride — mine 
—and here’s the first congratulation. (Kiss.) 

Enter Darius. Bus. They look up at bell. 

Darius — How do you like that weddin’-bell? 

Amy and Dr. — Oh! peiJectly splendid! beautiful! lovely! 
Darius (Glove. Bus.)— Up all night making that bell. 

Enter Miss Bassett. * 

Miss B". — Darius, where’s Dodge? 

Darius — Down to the store. 

Miss B. — I want him in the kitchen just as soon as he 
comes back. (Exit.) 

Darius — Sarah is fiyin’ around like a hen in a hail storm. 
’Bout time the guests were arriving. How’s my get-up? 
Dr. — You’re all right, Darius. 

Darius — Correct thing? 

Amy — Perfectly — right in style. 

— I calcMate Evelyn’ll have about the most styl- 
ish wedding ever in Stony Creek. Darn this glove. 

Dr. — What’s the matter, don’t it fit? 
y)ai.ius— tilove’s all right; I’ve got the fit. I give it up, 
I’m stuck. 

A,uy_Let me help you, sit down there. (Bus.) Give me 
your liand. I’ll shoAV you how the young lady clerk at the 


39 


glove counter tits on a iieAV glove for you. Hold up your 
fist. You’ve got the thumb where the little huger goes. 

Darius — Mother used to say my hugers were all thumbs. 
First pair of hid gloves I ever had on. Say, quit now. 
Doc, she's squeezin’ my liand. Well, Evelyn’s to be mar- 
ried to-day. Say, you’ll have the Doc jealous here in a 
minute if you don’t stop squeezin’ my hand. Wonder how 
long it'll be before somebody hangs a weddin’-bell for you 
two. 

Amy — Dh, keep still, now. (Bus.) 

Daihus— Ouch ! My crazy bone. Say, is that the way the' 
girl at the glove store in the city does it? Pats your hand? 
squeezes it, looks up into your eyes and smiles, jes’ as if 
you was the nicest feller in the Avorld? 

Amy — Yes. 

Darius — -^Youldn’t do for me to live in the city, 1 d go 
broke buyin’ gloves. (Bus.) 

Darius — Here they be, here they be! 

Amy — What is it, Darius? 

Darius (Bus.)— Show you in a jiffy. Come from Troy by 
express. Was afraid they wouldn’t git here in time— tame 
flowers (Bus.) for Evelyn— a bride always ought to wear- 
roses — some for you, too. I can never see roses rvithout 
thinkin’ of Evelyn. (Enter Roy.) Here, Roy, can you carry 
these up to sister? 

Roy — Oh, yes, sirree. 

Darius— They’re to wear at the weddin’. Say, tell her 
Darius said so; don’t forgit. 

}{oy — All right. Say, Darius, what’s a wedding for? 

Darius — For — folks to get married. 

j{oy— What do folks get married for. 

DaHus—Why— fer— they— get married— to— get— mar- 
ried — ^to be happy. 

]{oy — Well, sister isn’t happy; she’s been cryin’ all the 
morning. 

Darius— Cryin’ all the mornin’. Oh, that’s natural, girls 
always cry Avhen they’re goin’ to get married — cry for joy. 
You run along with those roses. Dodge, Sarah wants to 
see your smilin’ face in the kitchen. 

Dodge — ^Yhat for? 

Darius — Sweeten the lemonade. 

Poflge — Weddin’s make more work. When 1 get mar- 
ried I’m goin’ to elope. 

Darius— Gosh! You’ll have to; you’ll have to steal the 
girl an’ run away with her in the dark, it never could hap- 
pen to you in broad daylight. Now, I want you to look 
after Roy durin’ the cei’emony, understand? 

Dodge — Who’s goin to pass around the refreshments? 


40 


Darius — Kefreshmeuts don’t come till afterwards. 

Dodge- — Don’t want to miss the eatin’. 

Darius — What you got in that pocket’? 

Dodge — What pocket? 

Darius — That pocket. (Bus.) Bice? 

Dodge — (Join’ to fire an' old shoe at Woodford. (Exit.) 

Amy (Bus.) — Let me pin a rose on your coat. 

Darius— Amy, Boy says Evelyn’s been cryin’ all the 
mornin’. Do you think there’s anything Avrong? She 
ain’t said nothing to you, has she? 

Amy— Not a Avord. 

Darius — Guess it’s the excitement. 

Enter Leila Belle, folloAA’ed by Yarrington. 

Leila Belle. — Thought I’d be late. 

Lem^ — Told ye there AA as oceans o’ time. 

Bedalia (comes on) — Come right in here Leila Belle. 

Leila Belle — Here’s my present; hope EAelyn’ll like it. 
(Bus.) 

Lem — ;HoAy d’ye, Darius. 

Darius — How d’ye, Lem. 

Lem — Hoav do you feel to-day? 

Darius — Fine as a fiddle. 

Lem — Seems to me I’d feel a leetle out o’ tune if 1 Avas 
in your box — I sympathize Avith you, Darius. 

Darius — This ain’t a day fer condolements, it’s a day fer 
congratulations. 

Enter group of guests. 

Darius (Bus.) — Why, Aunt Mary, heoAV do you do, you 
look as bloomin’ as a piny. Hoav do. Uncle MatheAV. 
Hello, Mark — an’ Luke, too. W’ell, Avell, an’ here’s John? 
Mathew, Mark, Luke and John— if the minister gets into 
trouble we’ll have the four gospels to help him out. Come 
right into the parlor. (Miss B. shoAving other guests into 
parlor.) 

Lem (to Doctor and Amy) — You and Doc going to stand 
up AAuth the contracting parties? 

Dr. — Miss Eobinson is to be bridesmaid and I’m to be 
best man. 

Lem — Sign you’ll never make a match. (Goes up.) 

Amy- — Isn’t he delightful? 

Dr. — Oh ! He’s a SAA^eet-voiced youth. 

Lem (refers to bell) — What’s this? 

Darius — A Avedding bell. 

Lem — Can you ring it? 

Darius — Easy enough if you can get a fair hand to take 
hold with you. 


41 


Euter Leila Belle. 

Leiu — Miss Bird, I’m lookin’ fer a partner to ring a wed- 
din’-bell with. 

Leila Belle — Yon’ll lia\'e to look farther. 

Lem Oh, come now, clasp hands ronnd the posie rope 
an’ ring the bell with me. 

Leila Belle — itli you, Lem Yarrington? Xever, while 
I’m in my right senses. 

Lem — Go crazy, will you? 

Enter Dodge. 

Dodge— i-Minister’s cornin’. 

Enter Mr. and Mrs. Emmons. 

Darius (Bus.) — Good-mornin’, Mr. Emmons; good-morn- 
in’, Mrs. Emmons. 

Mr. E. — Good-morning, Darius. ; good-morning, all. We 
have a beautiful day for this joyful occasion. 

Mrs. E. — Too warm for this time o’ year. I say it’s a 
weather breeder. 

Darius — Well, that’s all right so long as there’s no storm 
to-day. 

Mr. E. — You know, happj" is the bride the sun shines on. 

Mrs. E.— And blessed is the corpse the rain rains on. 

Mr. E.- — But, Marthy, love, there’s no rain, and this is 
not a funeral. 

Mrs. E. — I know, Enos, but a weddin’s the saddest, 
solemest thing in life. Here’s . my wedding gift. (Bus. 
Motto.) I worked that motto with my own hands. When 
their life is dark and their way seems troubled, Alan and 
his bride can look at this Motto and take courage. 

Darius — (Discloses Motto. Gag.) ' 

Mr. E. — Ah! here’s the happy man. 

Darius (goes to door) — Good-morning, Alan. (Amy goes 
upstairs.) 

Woodford (enters) — Good morning, Darius. Good-morn- 
ing, Mr. Emmons. I trust I’m not late. 

Mr. E. — You are punctual to the minute. Now, if every- 
thing is in readiness, we will proceed. (Organ music. Eve- 
lyn comes down. Darius goes to meet her. Bus. Arrang- 
ing positions for wedding service.) 

Mary Martin — She looks awful white. 

Leila Belle — She’s powdered. 

yjrs, E. Siie’s fell off in her looks since she come from 

Boston. 

Leila Belle — Didn’t have none to spare before she went 
to Boston. 

Mr. E. (reading service)— “If any man can show just 


42 


cause or impediment why this man and woman should not 
be joiiUHl in lioly matrimony, let him now speak or forever 
after hold his peace.” (I’ause.) 

Leila Belle — That's always so sill^’, nobody ever does 
speak up. 

Lem (aside to Leila Belle) — S’pose’n somebody should 
chip in now? 

Leila Belle (aside to Lem) — Nobody could. 

Lem (aside to Leila Belle) — Nobody’s goin’ to. 

Mai* 3 ’ IMartin — Isn’t the bridegroom just elegant! 

Miss Hedge — I Lope he'll be good to her. 

Mary Martin — Of course he’ll be good to her, he’s got 
lots of money. 

Miss Hedge — He’s awful tight-fisted. I wouldu’t have 
him for twice his money. 

Leila Belle (overhearing) — Ooo.d reason why the cat 
wouldn’t eat her supper. 

Miss Hedge (to Mary Martin) — I hate that Leila Belle. 
Don’t you love to go to a wedding? 

Mary Martin — Yes, if the Cake’s good. Did you count 
the ijresents? 

Miss Hedge — Yes, till I saw the blue vase 1 gave Yiny 
Reed for her Aveddiiig, and then 1 was so mad I lost track. 
(Bus. Darius gives away the bride.) 

Mary Martin — Darius is giving away the bride. 

Miss Hedge (so Leila Belle will hear) — I guess Darius 
would rather keep her for himself. 

Leila Belle (sharply) — T guess Darius’ll find consolation. 

Mary Martin (innocently) — Leila Belle, do you know any 
one that’s waiting to console him? ((‘liggles.) 

Miss Hedge — \>'ell, 1 know some one nho will wait. 
Needn’t look so mad, Leila Belle, nobody said ’twas you. 

Mary Martin — Good for you. That Avas lovely. (Bus. 
Ceremony concludes.) 

Miss B. (aside to Leila Belle, grimly)— It’s over! they’re 
married. (All flock around Evelyn and Woodford to con- 
gratulate them. Confusion. Congratulations ad lib.) 

Leila Belle — I do hope you’ll be happy, Evelyn! (Bus.) 

Uncle MatheAv — That jooAvelry she’s got on must a' cost 
a purty penny. 

Miss B. — Well, he can afford it. He’s rich. He brought 
back a pile o’ money from out Y’est. 

Uncle MatheAA' — Yes, but Iioav did he get it, that's the 
que.stion I’m always askin’? Hoav did he get it? 

Miss B. — Never mind how Ik* got it, he’s got it, and she’s 
done mighty well. (Exit up.) 

Mr. E. — Bless you both. 

Mrs. E. — Marriage is a very solemn thing, Evelyn; I only 


43 


hope you’re startin’ right. Euos and me has been married 
for thii’ty years and never had a word o’ difference. If 
I5nos goes for a walk, I go for a walk; if Enos stays home, 
I stay home; if Enos don't want no breakfast, I don't 
want no breakfast. 

Enter Dodge, calLs out. 

Dodge — Eefreslimeuts in the parlor. 

Lem (to Woodford) — Well, you won her, Alan, good luck 
to you, and don’t tell your wife all you know. (Shake 
hands, ('onverse apart.) 

Dodge (to Evelyn) — Wish you many happy returns of the 
day. (Exit.) 

Enter Darius and Koj'. 

Darius — Evelyn, here's an old beau o’ yours wants to 
congratulate you. (Bus.) 

Evelyn — Boy! (Embraces him.) 

Boy — What do they all kiss you for? 

Evelyn — They don’t all kiss me, dear, but you will. (Bus. 
Kiss.) 

Woodford — Well, aren’t you going to shake hands with 
me. Are you sorry to have me for a brother? 

Boy — You ain’t my brother, 

Woodford — Don’t you want me for a brother? Don’t 
you like me? 

Boy — I like Darius. 

Darius — Boy, have you had any ice cream? 

Bo\’ — Ko, is they any? 

Darius — Sure, Dodge has got some for you. There he 
goes, run quick. 

B03' — You bet! 

Darius — I congratulate you, Alan. There ain’t a better 
girl on earth than Evelyn. 

Woodford — Thank you. Mrs. Woodford is perfection. 
We’re quite agreed on that point. (Turns away.) 

Enter Mary Martin and Miss Hedge. 

Here he is, here he is! (Come and take Woodford off. 
Dr. and xVmy enter. Bus. with Evelyn. Exit Darius.) 

Amy — Oh! Evelyn, I do hope you’ll be happy! But my 
heart is broken -that’s what it is — broken. 

Dr. — Oh, come now, not so bad as that. 

Amy — Yes, it is too. Here are you married first, and 
now when I marry the doctor, T can’t have you for a brides- 
maid. 

Evelyn — When you marry — him. 

Amy — Oh, I forgot. I never told yon it was Dick. It’s 


44 


all fixed. Dick thought avcM better wait uutil he got rich, 
but I don't want to die an old maid. 

J)r.— That's encouraging. 

Evelyn — And you were si)eaking of him that night Avhen 
you told me? 

Amy — Why, of course — Avell, aren't you going to say 
anything? 

EA^elyn — Oh, yes— yes — dear — I hope — 1 know you are 
right; you are marrying the man you love, (tod give you 
every happiness. 

Enter Dodge. 

Dodge — Want you in the parlor quick. Doc. 

Dr. — WhaEs the trouble? 

Dodge — Mrs. Emmons got heart failure. (Doctor and 
Amy exit quick.) 

Amy — Aunty’s alAvaA^s got something. (Exit.) 

Dodge — SAvalloAA ed piece o' fruit cake the Avroug way. 
(Exit.) 

Evelyn — Going to be married, and Darius loves her. 
(^)h! poor Darius! ' 

Enter Darius, Avitli bottle Avine and tAvo glasses. 

Darius — Here, Evelyn, glad you’re alone for a minute. 
Got something for you. IDs Avine. Noticed 3^011 Avas get- 
ting paler, afraid j^ou’d break doAvn, so 1 Avent to the cellar 
and dug it up; father buried this bottle day I Avas born. 
Ought to be good, it’s old enough. 

Evelyn — Oh! Why did you open it? 

Darius — Only Avine there Avas in the house. 

Eveljm — It shouldn't have been opened until - j'Our 
wedding-day. 

Darius — Might spile if I Avaited till then. Go ahead! 
an’ I’ll drink Avitli you. Jest a little toast— Ave tAvo — to 
A our happiness. 

EAelyn — And yours. (Drinks.) 

Darius — -Everything passed off splendid, hasn’t it? 

Eveljm — Splendid ! 

Darius — Amy done most of it; she fixed the floAvers and 
just about run things generall3^ Now, Avhen jmu’re aAvay 
on your Aveddin’ trip, I don’t want you to worry about 
Roy. 

Evelyn — You’ll keep him safe uutil I come back, I 
know. 

Darius — Till you come back ! You won’t take him away 
then, Avill you, Evelyn? You’ll let him stay here a good 
part o’ the time, an’ you’ll come over yourself sometimes, 
won’t you? 

Evelyn (Bus.) 


45 


Darius— It won't make any dillereiK'e about your bein^ 
married. I’ur you're i»uardiau, you know; aid if trouble 
ever comes and you ne(Ml a friend, an’ well, you know 
Darius. 

Ev(dyu — (Dus.) 

Darius — Evelyn, s'])ose it's about time to begin callin’ 
you Mrs. Woodford. 

Evelyn — Always Evelyn to you. 

Darius — (Dad you're leaving Doy with me. Don’t feel 
as if I could let you go, both of you to once’t. Guess I’ll 
put this out o' sight, too pi'ecioiis to pass round promis- 
cuously. (Dus. Puts bottle of wine out of sight.) 

Darius — No more tears now. (Laugh off stage.) There 
shouldn't be nothin' but smiles on your weddin’-day. 

Voices off stages calling — Oh, Darius! Where’s Darius? 
(Dus. Exit 11]) stage. Evelyn buries her face iu roses.) 

Enter Miss Dassett from kitchen. 

Miss D. — So. It's all over an’ you're Mrs. Woodford. 
Well, 1 hope you'll Ix^ real ha])])y, Evelyn. You’ve done 
well. (Dus. Attem])ts to kiss her.) 

Evelyn (avoids kiss) — Thank you. 

Miss D. — There's one thing sure, you won't want for 
nothin’ that momw can buy. It's plain to be seen that 
Alan \\h)odford just yvorships you. Dut I hop(^ you ain't 
goin’ to ferget what you owe Darius. 

Evelyn — Mr. Woodford understands. I shall be able to 
return the money to Darius to-day. 

Miss D.— Dut it ain't only money that Darius ])aid out 
for you. It's his land. 

Ev(dyn— His land? 

Miss D.— Why, Darius gave Alan tlu^ hull piece of wood- 
land and ])asture for tlu^ money that took you and Doy to 
Doston. 

INelyn — You are sure of that? 

Miss D. MIe t(dd me so. I knew he wouldn’t let on to 
you, an’ you ought to know, fer. it's Avorth a lot more than 
Alan ])aid f(‘r it, an' besides, it breaks up the farm. Fact 
is, it's about all tlu^ good land Darius had got. 

Enter Woodford. 

Woodford — Evelyn ! / 

Miss D.— Don’t forget that you’ve got to change your 
dr( ss, Fv(dyn, an' catch the three o’clock train. (Exit.) 

Woodfoi'd — I haven't had a full look at you yet in your 
bridal finery. Your dress het onies you. 

Evelyn — It belonged to Darius’ mother. 

Woodford — Ilm ! Well, it’s about time for you to change 


46 


it for your traveling dress. (Bus.) Miss Bassett was right, 
we haveiih a great deal of time. 

Evelyn- -Wait, haven't yon forgotten something? (lie 
looks at her qnestioningly.) The Avedding gift yon i)r()m- 
ised me? 

Woodfor(h Yon have them on. (Refers to jeAvels.) 

Ev(dyn — Oli! these. Yes, they're very beantifnl. But 
have yon forgotten your pi'omise to pay Darins? 

\\h)odford — Oh! Vor the moment it slipped me. I'm 
glad yon nmiinded me, but there's no hurry. I'll attend 
to it — later. 

Evelyn — Oh, no — that Avill not do. 1 Avant to pay it noAV. 

Woodford — Oh, if yon insist, only it seems to me yon are 
in needless haste. A day or two eonldn't make any ma- 
terial diftereiK'e. (\Yriting eheek.) There, iioav yon are 
free of any obligation to him. (tlaiids her eheek.) 

Evelyn (reads eheek) — Five hundred dollars. I’m afraid 
yon did not understand me. 

Woodford — Wdiat's the matter? Isn't it right? 

EAndAUi — It isn't money at all; it is land. 

Woodford — Land! Yon don't mean — 

Evelyn— 1 mean the land he sold yon — yon Avill give it 
baek to him? 

Woodford— I confess iioav, Evelyn, that I don’t (piite un- 
derstand yon. 

Evelyn— That land belonged to his family for over a hnn- 
dred years. He IovcmI it; he'd have staiwed bef(n‘e he Avonld 
have sold a foot of it for himself, and he sac-rifieed it for 
ns, for Roy. I do not want this — it will not pay him. Iveej) 
3 ^onr agrecnnent with me*, and giA^^ him baek his land. 

Woodford — Yon ar(‘ exciting ^^onrself nnne(‘essarily, 
Evelyn. I bought the land and i)aid |()0(l for it. The 
inone}^ Darins loaned yon 1 am Avilling to pa,v, that Avas 
onr arrangement, and a v(nw fair one. 

EA^elAUi — No, it is not. AYhen 1 consented to be ,voni‘ 
Avife \^on ])romised that on onr Avedding day yon would 
pa\’ Darins what it (‘ost him to save Roy's eyes, and it 
cost him thos(^ acres of Avoodland and pasture. If he sold 
them to Aon I have bought them baek again. I can't offer 
him this. I Avant the land, that was our bargain, Alan, and 
it must be kept. 

Woodford — That's impossibles^, Evelyn. There are rea- 
sons. I may as Avell tell yon what eA^ery one will soon 
knoAV. That land holds a foi-tnm* for ns. 1 say ns — for 
noAV, Avhat’s mims is yours, too. There’s marble on the land, 
and that's Avhy 1 bonglit it. 

Evelyn — Marble? Do(\s Darins know it? 


47 


Woodford -Ves — no — I sii])])ose so. lie’s OAViied it lon^ 
eiioiigli. 

Evelyn — If he does not know it, sneli a transaetion is 
not a sale, it’s a robbery. 

Woodford— Evelyn ! 

Evelyn — Prove to me that I am wrong — give him what 
belongs to him. Mow eonld we live, you and I, year after 
year; how ( onld we look into cmch other^s eyes, seeing there 
the memory of this dishonor? [ want to ’res])eet you, to 
feel that you are all that is manly and just, — upon the day 
that our new life begins give me the right to be proud of 
you, to trust you, — rvon’t you, Alan? 

Woodford — You are letting sentiment run away with 
you, Evelyn. I wonld do anything in reason for joWj but 
you are asking the imi)ossible. 

Enter Darius. 

Darius — Say, you folks'll miss your train. 

Evelyn — Darius, when you sold the woodland and pas- 
ture did you know there was marble on it? 

Darius — Marble? .^Vhy, no — 1 — Well, 1 don’t know as 
I was sure of it. 

Evelyn — Ah! You did not know it, and you — (Turns to 
Woodford.) 

Woodford — 1 don’t see how Ihn to blame, if after buying 
a man’s property I find it more valuable than he believed 
it to be. 

Evelyn — After buying it — you never would have bought 
it if you hadn't known its value before. 

Darius — Well, Avhat's the dilferenee? If Alan’s made a 
good bargain, so mueh the better for him. It’s all right — 
you needn’t to worry about my side of it, Evelyn. 

Evelyn — If you had been in his place, would you have 
done as he has done? 

Darius — ^Vell, you see, 1 wasn’t in his place. 

Evelyn — You know you would not. I know you would 
not. 

Woodford — It's' simply business, Evelyn. 

Evelyn — it isn't honest; it isn’t right. 

Woodford — Ninety-nine men in a hundred would have 
done it- 

Evelyn — I want niy husband to be the one man who 
wouldn’t. 

Woodford — You’re a woman; women don’t understand 
business. 

Evelyn — I don’t want to understand it if that’s the way 
men carry it on. 


48 


Woodford — Was it iiiy place to tell Darius there was 
marble there? 

Evelyn— Yes. 

Woodford — Xo man would have done it. I saw a chance 
to drive a {^ood bargain, and drove it. 

Evelyn — Yes, but how? How? You drove it over my 
necessity. Darius never would have sold j ou the laud if 
it Ivadift been for Koy, would you, Darius? 

Darius (refers to guests) — Careful, Evelyn, theydl hear 
you. 

Evelyn — But that doesn't alter his agreement with me. 

Woodford — I’m ready to keep that. 

Evelyn — As I said? 

Woodford — Xo; as I said. Fin master 

Evelyn — Take care. 

Woodford — I’m master in these matters, 1 say! 

Evelyn — Oh, if I’d only known this yesterday, if I^d only 
known it an hour ago. 

Woodford — Well, if you had? 

Evelyn — I would never have married you. 

Woodford — Ah! (Pause.) You have tried m3" patience 
to its limit. (To Darius.) Here! this is to pa}" 3"ou what 
my wife thinks she owes yon, 

Darius — I lent the mone}" to Evel3m; not to 3^011 — 

Woodford — Well, I’m her husband now, and I pay it 
back. 

Darius — I won’t take it from no one but her. 

Evel3m (snatches check) — And I’ll never offer it to him. 
I have told you what 1 want. I will have that or nothing. 

Woodford — Then it Avill be nothing. 

Evel}’!! — If you jversist in this treacheiy how can I ever 
trust 3 oil, how can I ever expect 3011 to keep faith with me? 
Alan, do 3^011 Avant me to call 3 ou a thief? 

Darius — Evel} 11! 

Woodford— Thief! 

Evelyn — I know you don’t mean to be one — 3^011 don’t 
realize it — but that’s Avhat it make 3^011. Think, Alan, our 
future lives hang upon this moment. The3’re coming, 
coming to bid us (lod-si)eed on our AA^edding journe}". I 
Avill give 3^011 one more (‘hance. I have fulfilled 1113" share 
of our compact, for the last time, Avill 3^11 keep yours? 

Woodford — h"or the last time— yes — in my way. 

Evel}!! — You Avon’t give up the land? 

Woodford — Xo! 

Evelyn — Then 3Adien 3’ou leave this house 3"ou go alone. 

Woodford — See here! You’re not going to make a 
laughing-stock of me and yourself a by-AVord? Do 3"Ou 


49 


think I^m going to let you remain here in his house; there’s 
been gossip enough about you and Darius. 

Darius — Hold on there, Alan. 

Woodford — Don’t you interfere, you’ve no right. 

Darius — You give me the right when you talk that way. 

Woodford— Idl talk as I like. This affair's between me 
and my wife. 

Darius — I don't care. You shan't talk to her like that 
when I'm around. 

Woodford— Oh, you’re out of it now. (To Evelyn.) 
You swore to love. 

Evelyn — Love! 

Woodford — Honor 

Evelyn — Honor ! 

Woodford — And obey me. 

Evelyn (laughs wildly, defiantly.) 

Woodford — You're mine by law. 

Evelyn— What do I care for law? 

Woodford — When I leave this house you go with me, 

Evelyn- — I'll not go one stex) ^yith you. Had you kept 
your word, I'd have given you a wife's devotion, even tho' 
I never could love you. Oh! now I knoAV why I alwa^^s 
shrank from you. You never loved me, you don’t love me 
now. You love that mai-ble, and^there's no shame, no dis- 
honor you wouldn’t stoop to if you could x>rofit by it. 

Woodford— Well, you’re my wife; you sold yourself to 
me, and you're mine. 

Evelyn— Yours— your wife? If before men I have given 
you my word, before God I take it back. And now, if you 
were to offer ten times the price I set, I would refuse it. 
I am free — do you. hear — free! Here, take them — Bus. 
Tears off jewels) take them. They are yours, but I be- 
long to no man. I desi)ise you. I will never live with you 
as your wife — never, never. (Bus.) 


OUETAIN, 


50 


ACT IV. 

Scene Same as Act 1st. Autumn. Indian summer 
afternoon. 

Discovered — Darius and Dodge. 

Darius — You’re turnin’ the wrong way. You can’t 
turn an’ read. (Bus.) You was down to the store this 
mornin’? 

Dodge — Yep! 

Darius — Hear any talk? 

Dodge — What about? 

Darius — Evelyn! 

Dodge — Heard Lem Yarrington say you’d better look 
out or Woodford ’d sue you. 

Darius— Sue me for what? 

Dodge— Fer alienatin’ his wife’s affections. 

Darius — Lem Yarrington comes up here, I’ll cut his ears 
off. 

Dodge — Better look out. Lem carries a pistol. 

Darius — Does Lem Yarrington carry a pistol? 

Dodge — Yep! 

Daiius TVe 11 have to take the pistol away from Lem 
Yarrington. 

Enter Mary Martin. 

Mary — Good afternoon, Darius. 

Darius — Afternoon, Mary. 

Mary (confused and timid, hesitatingly) — Mother sent 
me over to know if— if— Mrs. Wood— if Evelyn— had 
changed her mind and made it up with Mr. Woodford. 

Darius — Tell her no, and no prospects. 

Mary— Well, I hope you Avon’t get mad at me, Darius, 
but she made me come over. She, mother, Avants to knoAv 
Avhat’s to be done Avith all the wedding presents. 

Dariu.s — The Avedding presents. Oh! 

Mary — She — mother Avants to know if you — if Evelyn 

wouldn’t ratlier she’d take l)ack that toilet set she brouoht 
Evelyn. 

Darius— ’Course. Go right into the house an’ Aunt 
Sarah’ll give it to you. (Exit Mary liouse.) 

Darius — Dodge, to-morroAv mornin’ you hitch up the 
buck-board an’ cart those Aveddin’ presents all back. 

Dodge (stops turning)— Evelyn left Old Woodford? 

Darius — Yep. 


51 


Dodge — For good? 

Darius — For good. 

Dodge — Good! (Turns grindstone.) • 

Enter Mary Martin from house with present. 

Mary — I didn’t want to come, but mother said she was 
afraid it might make Evelyn feel bad to see it around. 

Darius — S’pose your mother don’t approve of Evelyn’s 
course? 

Mary — -I’m afraid not. (Backing up stage, C.) 

Darius — ’Course your mother never approves of any- 
thing if she can help it. What’s your opinion? 

Mary— I don’t know, Darius. If I ever get a husband ' 
I’m afraid I’ll have to cling to him. (Exit, C.) 

Darius — Yer mother’ll make ye. Say, will you turn that 
grindstone. Told you you couldn’t turn an’ read. 

Dodge (hurts himself)— Oh! Damn! 

Darius — Damn here! 

Enter Amy in a huff, C. 

Amy— AVell, it’s all off between the doctor and me. 

Darius — What’s the matter? 

Amy — Oh! we had a scrap. He made me so mad. I 
don’t want him ever to speak to me again. (Exits to L.) 

Enter Doctor, C. Amy sees him. 

Amy — Don’t you speak to me — you — well— to go and 
take sides with this gossipy old town — take sides with 
Woodford against Evelyn. 

Dr. (argumentatively) — -Nothing of the kind. I simply 

said * 

Amy — You said it’s a wife’s duty to go with her hus- 
band no matter what he does. Oh! it’s all off between 
you and me. 

Dr. No, no. Amy I was only speaking figuratively. 

Amy — Just let me catch yoii at any crooked work once, 
and s^e how quick I’ll leave you, mister. Yes if we were 
married by fifty ministers. I think Evelyn’s done .lust 
right to leave Woodford. He’s a— swindler. Any way 
it’s one woman’s duty to stand by another against a man 
every time, right or wrong. 

Dr. — But I only told .you what people say. 

Amy— You say, what people say, and then you talk as if 

vou agreed with them. 

Dr._No, no! Now, I only said I thought if Evelyn 
could bring her mind to it, and a mutual understanding 
could be reached by her and Woodford 

Amy (paying no heed)— Is Evelyn in the house, Darius? 

Dr. (following Amy up, she crossing to house.) It would 
be best for all concerned— 


52 


Amy — Oil, you go fly a kite! (Exit, bouse.) 

Dr. — Now, Darius, I was ouly arguiug — 

Darius — Never argue with your sweetheart; breaks up 
more matches than’s made iu heaven. 

Dr. — She knows I’m Evelyn’s friend. I don’t want to 
quarrel with Am,y. 

Darius — ’Twon’t hurt; a good quarrel’s the spice o’ life — 
it’s like lightuin’, clears the atmosphere. 

Enter Lem Yarrington, C. 

Lem — Hello, Dari! How’s the Ilyin’ machine to-day? 
Broke it? Jest took a walk ’cross the marble yard. Hear 
the news? Syndicate from New York City wants to buy 
it. Woodford’ll about turn fifty thousand dollars on that 
bit of landscape. Don’t see how you’re ever goin’ to stand 
it, to live here and see ’em pull out that glitterin’ fortune 
right under yer eyes, knowin’ all the time yer might a’ kept 
it yerself if you only be cute enough — gosh, it’d make me 
sea-sick. Who do you s’pose it was discovered the marble, 
and put Alan Woodford on to buy it. Why me! An’ 
maybe I ain’t a’ goin’ to stand in on the deal. Oh. let me 
alone! I’m out fer the stuff. 

Darius — Wait, he’ll get it. 

Lem (coming down)— Say, Dari, that was a mighty cun- 
nin’ trick o’ yours — you’re a deep one, but it wouldn’t go. 
I seen thro’ your game an’ put Alan on to you. You found 
out there was marble there after ye’d sold it, an’ then got 
the girl to marry Alan to wheedle it out o’ him; an' then 
ye’ plotted to run off with his Avife. 

Darius (to Doc) — Let him go on if he thinks there’s no 
hereafter. 

Lem — Ye got his wife, but you didn’t get the marble. 

Darius — You get out! Get out o’ my yard! 

Lem^ — I’ll get out when I get ready! This is a free coun- 
try, an’ I’ll speak my mind! I hate ye, Darius Green — 
allurs hated you — hated ye wheu Ave was boys — ye allurs 
got ahead o’ me — allurs Avas agin me in eA^erything— neA’er 
set my heart on anything in this toAvn but ye allurs come 
in my Avay. Ye been settin’ Leila Ihdle against me ever 
since I came home from Kansas — but she kuoAvs you now. 
Yer a disgrace to the community, livin’ here Avith another 
man’s AA’ife. (Darius lea])s on him. Tliey clinch.) 

Lem (as they are struggling)— Oh! tliat’s yer move, is it? 
Gould do it Avheu Ave Avas boys, but I’ve groAved since. 

Darius — Give me tliat smart-Ave(*d, Dodge — that smart- 
weed dryiii’ there. 

Lem — You let me up — let me — I’ll murder you! Yer 
smotherin’ me — yer chokin’ me — ^ oaa'! — ^ wow! — wow! — ^ 


53 


ow! — wow! I’m ehokin, my face is on fire — my face is on 
fire!— 

Darins — ^Her(‘, soak yer head. (Douses his head in horse 
bucket.) 

Dc'in (sputtering) — Oil! wow! Water makes it burn 
more! Doctor, doctor, put sometliing on my face an’ stop 
this hell fire that’s consumin’ me, or I’ll go plumb crazy — 

Darins — Go ahead. Doc, and charge him a bill fer it, — 
take him down to the wood-shed. 

Lem — Yer didn’t fight fair. 

Darins — Never tackle a rooster on his own wood-pile. 

Lem — Yer struck me Avhen I was down. i 

Darius^ — Lem, you Avas puddin’ fer me — a little hasty, 
but — 

Lem — I’ll get even Avith you for this, Darius Green — you 
wait! (Exit Avith Doc.) 

Darius — Yes, I’ll Avait till you catch me alone. 

Enter Amy. 

Amy — What’s the matter Avith Lem Yarrington? 

Darius — Oh! he’s got a sore head. 

Amy — Did you do him? 

Darius — He’s did. 

Amy — Darius, you’re a daisy. 

Darius — Oh! Daisy’s got a yellow heart. But I’ll tell 
you Avhat you are for standin’ by Evelyn — yer the tip-top 
blossom on the peach tree. 

Enter Evelyn, house. 

EAmlyn — Has Boy come back from the post office yet? 

Enter Roy, Avith little bag. 

Roy — Here’s the mail. There’s one for sister, and one 
for Darius — (Amy, and none for me?) — and a paper for 
Dodge. 

])orlge — My KSunday YeAv York paper. (Takes it, goes 
up C, opens it.) IlaA’e some good readin’ now. 

Roy (to Dodge)— Let me look at the funny pictures. 

Amy — What is it, Evelyn? 

Evelyn — Another disappointment. I wrote my father’s 
old partner, Mr. Grandon, asking him to help me find em- 
ployment. I told him my story. His Avife answers my let- 
ter Veads) “I should advise you to become reconciled to 
your husband.” 

Aniy — If papa and mamma were only home. 

Darius — Well she ain’t goin’ away from here till she 
finds the right place to go to. (Amy goes up, looks at 
papers with Roy.) 


54 


Darius — Now, go slow. l*atieufe is a wonderful worker 
— now look. This hull burg’s been pokin’ fun at iny tlyiu’ 
machine. Here’s another letter from the lightniu’ auto- 
mobile company. They bought my machine. Just one 
little trick in it they wanted — i)aid me three thousand dol- 
lars for it. (Shows money.) 

Evelyn — Aud you’ve got the money. Oh! Darius! I’m 
so glad for your sake. 

Darius — I’m glad you’re glad. 

Enter Miss Bassett, bonnet on. 

Miss B.— Well! 

Darius — Well? 

Miss B. — Got my belongiugs all packed up an’ I’m ready. 

Darius — Beady for what? 

Miss B. — To leave your house, Darius Green. 

Darius — Haven’t you had a good home here? 

Miss B. — 1 ain’t beholdiu' to nobody for that. 

Darius — Haven't I paid you your wages reg’lar for six 
jears. 

Miss B. — Well, 1 earned ’em. Wages. Yon louldn’t 
pay me for what I’ve put up with from you an’ that — 

Darius^ — Better not say it, iSiirj'. 

Miss B. — You brought them two into the house b» tor- 
ment the life out o’ me; an’ when she did get a resi>ectable 
man to marry her, she turns around an’ brings a scandal 
on us. 

Darius — You’d oughter pity her — she’s a Avomau an’ 
she’s in trouble. 

Miss B. — Well, Avhose fault is it? She’s been Avorkin’ 
an’ schemin’ for three years to drive me aAvay from here 
an’ now she’s done it. I’m goin’. Have you thought Avhat 
folks’ll say about "your livin’ here alone aa ith a married 
Avomau. I was right (to Evelyn) Avhen I told you Avhy ye 
didn’t want to maiTy Alan Woodford. 

Darius — Well, Avhy didn’t she want to marry him? 

Miss B. — Because she AA anted to marry you. But I’ve 
got one satisfaction. She can’t marry you noAV. You 
might a had that Robinson girl an’ all her money if you’d 
been smart. I wouldn’t have stood in your way there, but 
I Ava’n’t agoiu’ to stand by an’ see you marry that pauper. 
I told her she’d ruined you. I told her you loved Amy Rob- 
inson, an’ that’s Av'hy she married Alan Woodford. I’m 
done with both of ye. But you (to Evelyn) won’t forget 
me in a hurry, I’ve left my mark on you. (Exit, house.) 

Darius (quietly looking after) — Sary Jane Bassett you’re 
a hell cat. Evelyn! 

Evelyn — She drove me to it. 


L. *)'o. 


r>5 

Darius — Au’ ye never would have married Woodford? 

Evelyn— Never, only to pay you back the money, so that 
you might marry Amy. They all said you loved her. 

Darius — Darn their meddlin’ hearts. Why, I never 
dreamed o’ such a thing. 

Evelyn — Never cared for Amy? Why you told me' — 

Darius — I told you I loved someone. You guessed it was 
Amy, but you guessed Avrong. (Deep meaning.) 

Evelyn (looks at him) — Oh! Darius! Darius! 

Darius — You’re guessin’ right now. Don’t, Evelyn — ■ 
don't. Love ain’t a thing to be ashamed of. I don^t see 
how all this could happen. tVe took to each other so 
natural from the start. Only two years since ye come here 
— seems like I’d knoAAed you always. Maybe that’s the 
Avay Avith cwerybody ay hen he takes a shine to a girl. Some- 
times I thought you Avas beginning to care for me too, but 
1 Avas afraid to speak — ’fraid I might drive you aAvay. So 
1 Avaited an’ Avaited, happy just seein’ ye around. When 
you Avas gone to Boston Avith Boy the hull place Avas empty 
— darn their meddlin’ hearts. An’ uoaa' — now — 3'e see — 
more’ll ever I can’t let j'ou go. 

Evelj’u (ci’osses into house) — Noav more than ever I 
must go. I must. I’m his Avife, Darius — his wife. (Exit.) 

Darius — His Avife! Darn their meddlin’ hearts. 

Amy (conies doAvn)- -Say, Darius, do you know Avhat I’d 
do if I Avas you? 

^ Darius— What? 

Amj- — Have EA'elyn get a divorce and marry her your- 
self. 

Darius — Woodford ’ll fight it. She ain’t got any 
grounds. 

Amy — Did you ever hear of Dakota? (Exit, house.) 

Darius — Dodge, come here. What you doin’. 

Dodge — Beadin’ the Sunday paper. 

Darius — ^What do you find so darned interestin’ in these 
yaller journals? 

Dodge — Crime. 

Darius — Y"ou go in an’ help Sary down stairs Avith her 
trunks and band-boxes, an’ traps. 

Dodge — Sary goin’ away? 

Darius — Yep. 

Dodge — For good? 

Darius — For good. 

Dodge — Good! (Exit, house.) 

Darius (reads) — “The man who Avrecked a toAvn.” 

Enter Uncle MatheAV. Goes to pump, gets drink. 

Uncle M. (as he pumps)— How d’ye, Darius. 


56 


Darius — How d’ye, ITncle Matliew. . 

r^ncle M. — Seen the minister? 

Darius — No. 

Uncle M. — Hed a runaway. 

Darius — Anybody hurt? 

Uncle M. — Broke the hull new top o' his buggy to smash 
— tore the harness, tore Mrs. Emmons' dress. Just passed 
'em coinin’ down the road. She was jest layiii’ down ever> 
lastin’ punishment to him! Lord how I laughed — thought 
I'd pass right off. (Uncle Mathew drinks. Darius reads 
on.) Say, Darius, hear about Woodford? 

Darius — No. 

Uncle M. — Sold out the tannery an’ the saw mill. 

Darius— No? 

Uncle M. — An’ most all liis land. Guess he’s raisin’ 
money to work your marble land. Darn him. (Drinks.) 
Evelyn going back to him? 

Darius — No. 

Uncle M. — I glorj^ in her spunk. I got no use for Wood- 
ford. Cheated me out o’ seven dollars once. 

Darius — Ever see anybody looked like that? 

Uncle M. — Um! Tolerable likeness o’ Alan Woodford 
when he was younger. 

Darius — Before he went out West? 

Uncle M. — Yes. (Bus. Uncle M. goes up, C.) 

Enter Leila Belle, C. 

Leila Belle — Is Miss Bassett in? I’ve come over to help 
her pack up. She’s coinin’ to our house for a spell. You 
ought to be ashamed of yourself, Darius Green, to turn 
your poor old aunt away. 

Darius — Noav, Leila Belle. 

Leila Belle — Miss Bird, if you please, Mr. Green. 

Darius — How long since? 

Leila Belle — Ever since I became the fianc^ of Mr. 
Lemuel Yarrington. 

Darius — Oh, you are engaged to Lem Yarrington. You 
have my commiseration. 

Leila Belle — There’s my diamond engagement ring. 

Darius — See it sparkle! Never knew Lem had money to 
blow in on diamonds. 

Leila Belle — He can buy an’ sell you, Darius Green. 
Lem’s rich. 

Darius — Who says so? 

Leila Belle — I guess I know. 

Darius — So do 1. He ain't got a nickel, only what Wood- V 
ford doles out to him. ^ 

Leila Belle — No such a thing. He owns an interest in 


57 


n 

everything Woodford’s got — he’s a silent partner — he’s — 
(stops snddenh') — none o’ yonr business. 

Dai ins — All right. 

Leila Belle — S’pose Mrs. Woodford is still here. But she 
won’t be able to staj' much longer, now yer aunt’s goin’. 
The town won't stand it. (Exit house.) 

Darius — Thert*'s one o' the town in the wood-shed, now. 
Say, Uncle Mathew, wa'ii't Lem Yarrington out West about 
the same time Avith Alan Woodford? 

T’ncle M. (up (’.) — Believe he was. 

Darius — Wonder if they didn't run across each other out 
th ere? 

Uncle M. — 'Pears to me they did. (Darius gets into flyin’ 
machine.) 

Boy — Darius! Darius! (enters.) 

Darius — Bun into the house an’ tell sister I’ll be right 
back. 

Boy — Where you going? 

Darius — Oh! just over to Squire Dean’s to look up a point 
o’ law. (Exit Darius, on flyin’ machine.) 

Enter Mrs. Emmons, C., followed by Mr. Emmons. 

Mrs. E. — What did I tell yoTi? What did I tell you? I’ve 
told ye over and over again that horse would run away with 
us some day. I said so afore we started out fer that drive 
this afternoon, but you Avould go; but they aint no use o’ 
talkin’ to sich a headstrong critter as you be. 

Mr. E. — Noav, Marthy, I don't see Avhat you’re makiu’ 
all this fuss for; it wasn’t me that run away. 

Mrs. E. — That ain’t no comfort. Look at my bon- 
net, an’ the gathers all tore out o’ my skirt. An’ that 
brand-new top you just put on yer buggy. 

Mr. E. — I wonder Avhat became of that horse. 

Mrs. E. — I hope he’s run on into the next county. 
Serves ye right; a minister o’ the gospel ain’t got no right 
a-yieldin’ to the vanities of the flesh an’ drivin’ fast horses. 

Mr, E. — Fast horses! I neA^er s’posed anything short o’ 
(labidel’s trumpet Avould ever start old Ebenezer into a run. 

Mrs. E. — Enos, I don’t care hoAv mad you be, you 
oughtn’t to forget your callin’ an’ indulge in profanity. 

Mr. E. — Marthy Flint Emmons, be you insane. 

Mrs. E. — Wonder I ain’t, Enos Emmons, after puttin’ up 
with your temper these thirty years. 

Mr. E.— Heavenly Day! Marthy, I ain’t opened my head. 
It’s you that’s been sayin’ — 

Mrs. E.— That’s right! That’s right! You’ll say I made 
that horse run aAvay, next. 


58 


Mi\ E. — AN'ell, who Avas it jirabbed the reins and run him 
into the fence, an’ then screeched like kingdom come — 

Mrs. E. — If it hadn’t been fer me a grabbin’ the reins, 
we’d a’ been oAer (he side o’ the road a welterin’ in onr 
gore by now — 

Mr. E. — Oh! woman, woman! the Lord helj) yon fer a 
fool — 

Mrs. E. — He helped me to one when he helped me to you. 
(does into house.) 

Mr. E. — Martha’s excited. 

Mr. E. — Evelyn! (Enter EAml 3 m.) 

Evelyn — Oh! Mr. Emmons! 

Mr. E. — So you are <iuite determined not to be reconciled 
to your husband? 

Evelyn — ()uite! 1 am sorry if 1 seem hard and unfor- 
giving to .yon, but, indeed, 1 am trying to do right. (Bus. 
Music.) 

Woodford enters, 0. 

Mr. E. — I’m an old man, Evelyn, and it’s hard for me to 
read the old laws by a new' light. But 1 can’t believe your 
pure heart Avill lead you far astray. Do as seems good to 
yon and the Lord bless and hold yon in his keeping. (Exit 
house. Woodford comes doAvn. Evelyn meets him.) 

Woodford— Evelyn! (Bus.) Don’t shrink from me. 
Ea'cIa 11 , w hen are yon going to end this folly. HaA'en’t you 
made me suffer enough? 

Evelyn — I don’t Avant you to suffer. I only want — never 
to see you again. 

Woodford — Evelyn, I love you — w hat is all the w^ealth 
in the w'orld to me without you. I Avill do anything yon 
ask. 

Evelyn — It is too late! Don’t you see, I could never trust 
yon. 

Woodford — 1 Avas hasty. 1 didn’t mean all I said. I 
thought I Avas right. But I see noAV I Avas Avrong. I’m 
ready to keej) my AA'ord to the letter. I’ll give back the 
land — to-day — noAV. 

Evelyn — EA'^en for that — it is too late. 

’Woodford (fnrionsly)— And yon think you’re going to 
fling me off like this? You’re my Avife. I’ll hold you as 
long as you liA'e. You needn’t think you’ll eA'er get a 
diA'orce. I’ll fight .you AA'ith my last dollar 

Enter Mr. Emmons, et al., on porch. Enter Darius 
jyii", Emmons, 1 call you all (o AA'ituess that I made (“ffoit 
•to effect a reconciliation Avith my Avife. I’ve offered to give 
Darius Gi’een this deed — (displays deed) — to that land 
with the marble on it. 


59 


Darius — Darius Greeu dou’t want the land at the 
hgure mentioned, an’ your offer would sound more liberal, 
Alan, if you hadn’t discoA^ered that the marble in that land 
wahi’t no ^ood. 

Mr. Emmons — No good, ((xeneral excdaniation.) 

Darius — He tried to sell it, but the test o’ the expert 
showed that they wahdt enough good marble there for a 
small boy to play Avitli. 

Woodford — Well, offered the land. You love it, you 

say. 

Darius — Yep. I’m ready to pay cash fer it. 

Woodford — Your moiww can’t buy it. I’ll sell to her 
only. 

Darius — What do you want her for. She don’t love you. 
Never did — never (*an. 

Woodford — She would only for you. In some parts of 
the country they shoot men avIio come betAA^een husband 
and Avife. 

Darius — ^Out West, niebbe. In Kansas, say^ — Prairie 
\"ale, Kansas. Ever hear tell o’ that place? Sit doAvn. 
I Avant to tell you a story about a cityzen o’ Prairie Vale. 
(Bus.) You better stay— it’s interesting. This is the 
story of a man — a cold, calculatin’, selfish, uniwincipled 
rascal of otherAvise unimpeachable character. A man Avho 
loved money more than anything in the Avorld — more even 
than he could love a Avonian. Enjoy his acquaintance, 
xVlan? Wait. I’ll introduce you. This man’s loA^e for 
iiioneA^ was always gettin’ him into trouble. When he was 
a young feller he borroAA^ed some money from his father 
Avithout askin’, and left home; got mixed up in some 
crooked deal in Chicago an’ had to leave the town. He 
changed his name an’ turned up late in the 80 ’s in the 
rising City of Prairie Vale, Kansas. (Bus.) Well, sir, 
that feller roped the Avhole community^ of Prairie Vale 
into a SAvindlin’ scheme. You’ve heard o’ fellers breakin’ 
banks — Avliy, he broke the toAvn! Then he skipped, but 
they got him, sentenced him to the penitentiary. Gave 
him ten years, but he got out. Escaped an’ covered his 
tracks. He Avent back to his old home — a village in the 
Adirondacks. Brought money with him too — some o’ the 
stolen money he’d salted awaA^ — took his OAvn name again, 
and Avith tlie confidence o’ his boyhood friends proceeded 
to cheat his neighbors and get rich; and then — and this 
Avas his Avorst (‘rime. Tliis escaped convict married an in- 
nocent, trusting girl. Said lie loved her, but he lied. If 
he’d loA^ed her lie’d never linked her life to his, knoAving 
that any day the arm o’ the law might seize him an’ crush 
her heart. 


60 


Woodford (breaking) — Wliere^l you get all this? 

Enter Lein, followed by Doctor, 

Darius — VoiiM ought to guess. 

Woodford (turns fiercely on Lein) — Danin you! 1 knew 
youVl do it. I knew you'd blab with that old woman’s 
jaw of yours. 

Lem (astounded) — What in thunderation — 

Darius — Lem ain’t said anything. Lead it all in a New 
York Sunday paper. Von know they got a great idea o’ 
publishin’ sich stories. I Ava'n't sure it was you, but now 
you’ve admitted it. See, there’s your picture! 

A\"oodford (recovering) — Oh! you’ll have to prove it. 

Darius — The sherilt* o’ this county Avill telegraph the 
authorities o’ the State of Kansas to-night. In tAventy-four 
hours there'll be a requisition here for your arrest. 

Woodford — Meantime, I’m free. I’ll sell everything. 

Darius — I’ll give you six hundred dollars for that deed 
to the Avoodland and pasture. 

Woodford — You’ve liad no mercy on me. (Bus.) 

Darius — Well, Alan, you gUA e me the marble heart. 

Lem — I Ava’n't in on his game. 1 just happened to be out 
in Kansas an’ kneAv about it. ('an't arrest me. 

Darius — Can’t they? You’ve been shieldin’ a felon. 
They’ll be after you, too. Course, if you both skip to Can- 
ada, I can’t stop you noAV. 

Lem — Alan, a er a darn fool. 

Leila Belle (comes down) — Lem Yarrington, our engage- 
ment is broke off. (Goes up C.) 

Lem (folloAving her) — Here, give me back my diamond 
ring! 

Leila Belle — No, sir; you gave it to me and I’m going to 
keep it. (Exit.) 

Lem — Gol darn ye. (Exit.) 

Darius — Been flyin’ high, Lem, but ye lit hard. 

Mr. E. — Evelyn is going home with us to-night. 

Miss B. — No, she needn’t to. I’m Avillin’ to stay now — 

Darius — I ain’t willin’ to have you. Don’t bear you any 
malice, but this ain’t your home no more. 

Miss B. (going up C) — Huh! Well, guess I Avon’t go to 
the poor house. You’ll miss my cookin’. You’ll wish me 
back. There’ll be relentings. 

Darius — Nary a relent. (Exit Sarah B.) 

Amy — Oh! doctor, isn’t this lovely— (All exit but Evelyn 
and Woodford, AAiio has gone up C.) 

Woodford (to Evelyn)— Well, you’re my Avife still. 
(Exit.) 

Darius— Don’t worry, Evelyn. Any court Avill declare 


61 


your marriage void. You’ll be free in a little while, an’ we 
can wait. 

Enter Dodge, goes to pump, with pail. 

Evelyn — Good night, Darius. (At C.) 

Darius — Good-night, Evelyn. (At 0.) 

Dodge — Evelyn gone? 

Darius — Yes, but she’s eomin’ back. 


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